50 Shades of Clue By Four

Well, I finally finished reading those 50 Shades books. The fact that these books take up three spots on the New York Times Top 10 is horrifyingly depressing. 

How the hell is this shit considered romance?  Crazy bitch meets dangerous psycho.  Gee that's romantic.

You have this 22 year old virgin chick.  She is a virgin because, despite the fact that she is smoking hot and totally sane, for some reason no guy has ever interested her. Yeah, sure, that happens. In the real world we usually call those women lesbians. But its just another example of the rather ridiculous idea that cunt is like a car.  Once you drive it off the lot it looses value.  Where the fuck does this myth come from in the first place, and why do we keep perpetuating it?

Then there is her stalker.  He has to be a billionaire. Because much like women are worthless without a hymen, there is no reason to fall in love with a man who isn't right?  And the fact that a guy starts out stalking you, turns out to want you because he secretly wants to beat and fuck his own mother, and ends up being so totally fucked in the head that he is constantly almost getting you killed and falling into a non-functional state of batshit crazy is perfectly acceptable in a relationship if the guy is a gazillionaire. And hot.

Seriously, this series is some of the most shallow pandering shit I have ever read.  And I read the Gor series.

Its also not about BDSM relationships.  In case you missed it... the female lead suppresses that part of the male lead's sexuality because loving her "cures" him of that kinky sickness. It cracks me up when people talk about this series as BDSM romance.  Its neither romantic nor, before the end of the first book, BDSM. 

These books are not about romance.  They are about destructive co-dependence. If that makes you all wet, you may want to seriously consider what the fuck is wrong with you.  Are you so shallow that you're really into rich/pretty even if he's also crazy/dangerous, or are you mistaking a co-dependent stalker for romance? In either case, if  the freak show contained in the pages of 50 Shades sounds better to you than what you have right now... you have my pity. 

Time Goes By

I'm not a kid anymore.  Frankly, i haven't been for a really long time.  But I have reached a point now where my contemporaries are more likely to get tested for high cholesterol than pregnancy. (Given yesterday's newes report about the huge leap in gene mutations in sperm between 20 and 30 and the resulting increase in autism that's for the best. Conception after 35 is more likely to go horribly wrong than right it seems.)

And now there is the heart attack thing. I've known a few people who have had a scare or actually had a heart attack lately. So I'm going to talk to my doctor.  Not that I'm worried about my heart.  My diet and exercise are great and I quit smoking years ago. I think i need an endochronologist.  Both my doctor and trainer are telling me i should be dropping weight much faster, given my diet and excercise.  My trainer just kicked up my exercise and dropped me to 1200 calories a day. But there seems to be a problem, so I need to at least look into it.

Why Todd Akin is a Huge Douche, Part 2

When last we heard that sound of air being squeezed out of a douche bag that is Todd Akin speaking, he was espousing the ridiculously ill informed idea that "legitimate" rape does not result in pregnancy.  He has now followed up that huge steaming pile of stupid with his "apology" in which he makes clear that he used the wrong words.  Oh... and acknowledges his flat Earth level of science fail.

But the sentiment... he means that part.  Women should be forced, against their will, to bear the child of their rapist.  Well gee, thank you for that 'the bitch was asking for it by having a uterus' apology. 

I have been staring at my TV for the last several minutes wishing that I was the girl from Firestarter just for a minute.  Akin's hair hasn't burst into flames just yet, so I am going to have to assume that despite all my wishing that I have not yet developed telekenisis.

Damn.

This is where I would normally wish the horrible ironic thing happened to the horrible person in question.  But no...  I don't wish Akin would get raped.  (Because while I am a horrible person I am not quite THAT horrible.)  Rape is bad.  All the time.

Nope... I wish Akin has to be Akin.  Forever. I hope his name becomes synonymous with being a totally awful asshat and I hope no women ever touches him ever again. I hope he dies alone, and not only without respect but as one of the most actively disrespected people in history.  But I hope that day comes a long long time from now so that oozing sore of a subhuman shit bag suffers a whole bunch first.

The War on Women and the No Pussy War of Attrition

I have this life rule about not fucking Republicans. See, I love my cunt. Its one of my favorite things. And I have no intention of turning it over to some asshat with no clue what to do with it. Its the same reason I wouldn't let a blind man drive my car.

An illustration of why I have this life rule would be Todd Akin and his ilk.  The thing is, this sort of rampant stupid is pretty common among men with no respect for the female body. They have zero idea how the female body operates because women are on par with the sock they jerk off in for these guys. Who cares how it works, its just there for me to drop a load in.

When you are an ignorant asshole, you come up with insane theories about what is "legitimate rape" and assign mysterious baseless pregnancy repelling super powers to the vagina. Because you never learned how a vagina works.

And if you don't know how a vagina works - you are bad in bed.

There is a war on women right now. And among the many ways we women need to fight back is a No Pussy War of Attrition.  If a man does not have working knowledge of how a vagina operates, keep him away from yours. Stop fucking these guys.

Cut them off. Completely.

I would say Fuck You, Todd Akin but no - I hope no woman ever fucks you ever again. 

Personal Responsibility Is My Kink, And My Kink Is Unwelcome In The "BDSM Community"

I have a real girl on for personal responsibility.  Call it a kink.

I am a grown up.  I am mentally stable.  I am happy.  I do not consider the BDSM bits of my life to be my entire life.  I don't have self esteem issues.  Most importantly, I can take responsibility for my choices, and live with the consequences of those choices. 

This seems a bit out of the norm for the "BDSM community" that I have experienced.  Who knows, it may have completely changed in the years since I started avoiding the local community.  Somehow, given the general behavior of the population, I doubt it.  And someone pointing out "Maybe you should try dropping the drama and grow the fuck up.  That might be a solution to your never ending stream of problems" isn't generally welcome. 

And, for me, the never ending drama isn't welcome.  So really, I can't explain how much I do not miss it. 

Which is why I find it funny when people tell me that the fact that I am in a M/s relationship without being part of the "community" means that I am in mortal danger. Apparently, without showing up monthly at some rat trap restaurant to sit around making small talk with people with whom I have a single thing in common so they can monitor my most intimately personal relationship for "red flags", my Master will without doubt immediately start the round of amputations and cannibalism and multi-state crime spree that all "no limits" slaves have. 

And don't get me started on the whole "no limits" thing.  Yep... I don't have a list of things I forbid my Master to do.  I'm wacky like that.  That is where it stops though. I have no limits with HIM. Anyone else might lose a hand if they touch me without my ok. I'm wacky like that too.

Chik-Fil-A, Fetlife and Why I Don't Pay People Who Suck

You know the whole homophobic chicken thing that has recently been huge in the news?  Its not a new development.  I stopped going to Chik-Fil-A almost a decade ago, when I first found out about their anti-gay funding.  (See my previous post on the subject 4/5/11 - Dominos pizza can also blow me.)

So now there is a big blowup about how Fetlife is poorly run and protects rapists. Ummmm DUH! There is reason that, despite the fact that I purchase pretty much evey app I run across, entire albums of music because I like one song, and an entire series of books I don't even LIKE because I read one and have to see it through to the end (in other words I waste butt loads of money regularly), I have chosen not to voluntarily pay for a website I use rather frequently. 

Look, i am the first one to say if you have a website, run it how you like. How the owner of Fetlife would LIKE to run his business is apparently to be a safe haven for pedophiles, animal abusers and rapists.  However, as he likes money a lot more (and hey, who doesn't) he has to create the appearance of bowing to the minimal standards forced upon him by the credit card companies. The owner posted an entire apology to the pedophiles, animal abusers and rapists when his greed forced him to stop being their easy safe haven. Cause how he would LIKE to run his business is to be their safe haven, but he likes money more.

But Fetlife can still get the cash and passively support pedophiles, animal abusers and rapists by creating a TOU that says you can't promote those things on the website (appease the credit card companies) and then simply do a horrifically bad piss poor lazy sad sack job of enforcing the policy it didn't really want to have in the first place (still got your back, pedophiles, animal abusers and rapists).

So nope, for all the huge amounts of expendable income i waste on total crap in an average week, I won't be wasting any on supporting Fetlife. I won't stop using it,though.  I guess the moral thing to do would be to drop off the site all together.  But, while I do have morals, I am also a cunt. So I will suck up your resources for free, Fetlife.  I will NOT support Fetlife, nor will I buy from its advertisers. I will make Fetlife spend every dime I can on what I can get for free and, hell, I will even encourage others to be Fetlife leeches.  And I don't feel bad about taking advantage of Fetlife even a little. Hell, if I could walk into Chik-Fil-A and wander out with a free chicken sandwich, thereby chipping away even a little at their bottom line, I would.  I would then toss that shit straight in the trash because I don't eat deep friend bags of cardiovascular death, thanks.

UnBirthday Spankings

Its not my birthday. I get the spankings anyway.

There is nothing better than a quiet day at home, tied up and fucked. I have been with my Master for over eight years now, and he still makes me into a happy little puddle of sexed out bliss.  And apparently, I do the same for him.