You know its love when someone will spend 4 days during the holidays in theme parks with their in-laws.
He loves me.
A Lot.
It was fun. Normally we go in early December but we decided to do Thanksgiving in Universal this year. Even with dropping my points count I lost 2 pounds. Of course, I walked 8 hours a day and got sick as a dog one night.
My bff called me a Disney Whore. She has a good point.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Dear...
Person In The Breakroom Telling Me They Can't Have The Poppyseed Bagel Because They're Afraid They'll Fail A Drug Test:
Well, I hope you're happy. Now I have douche chills. I want to pry open your yap and stuff that bagel down your throat. Not to get you "bagel high", but with the sincere hope you'll choke to death and I will never be subjected to another thought that's leaked from the empty head.
I'm sort of hoping you get struck by lightning. I realize I'll likely suffer severe burns if not death as a result. But really, its worth it. Or maybe a rabid panther. Yes. While you babble on I'm going to silently pray that a rogue rabid panther somehow gets into the building, then up on the elevator, through the lobby and here. Now. So it can eat your face. Then I will follow the ambulance to the hospital because I want to see them put you on a morphine drip. It doesn't have to be a panther. Is that face ripping chimpanzee available for rent?
Well, I hope you're happy. Now I have douche chills. I want to pry open your yap and stuff that bagel down your throat. Not to get you "bagel high", but with the sincere hope you'll choke to death and I will never be subjected to another thought that's leaked from the empty head.
I'm sort of hoping you get struck by lightning. I realize I'll likely suffer severe burns if not death as a result. But really, its worth it. Or maybe a rabid panther. Yes. While you babble on I'm going to silently pray that a rogue rabid panther somehow gets into the building, then up on the elevator, through the lobby and here. Now. So it can eat your face. Then I will follow the ambulance to the hospital because I want to see them put you on a morphine drip. It doesn't have to be a panther. Is that face ripping chimpanzee available for rent?
Thursday, November 10, 2011
We Should Reconsider Impaling People
I think we walked away from impalement too soon. Vlad had a good idea that I think we can work with. I think we should line the road leading to Penn State with the people responsible.
I'm not a football fan. So I really don't get how a fucking game can be more important than not letting someone rape kids. But step 1 is no more football until you Penn State monsters get your priorities straight. Their little game was so important that children were sacrificed to it, its time to take their little game away. There was a riot to protest there being repercussions for creating a pro child rape environment because it interfered with football? Its a fucking game! I think that's a pretty clear sign that the Penn State folks are either so stupid or so evil that they can't worship their litte game anymore. That's it. Time to refocus your priorities.
Or if football means more than children not being raped, now is a good time for mass suicide. We, as a society, don't need that. You're dirtying our collective gene pool. Go ahead and select a stake. Your only chance of not being a drain on the world is as a precaution to pedophiles everywhere. Ill even donate enough balls for you to play catch from up there. Well... until you die.
Oh and the rapist, the guy that saw the rapist do it and walked away, and everyone that knew and did the least they could? Flayed alive then impaled.
I'm not a football fan. So I really don't get how a fucking game can be more important than not letting someone rape kids. But step 1 is no more football until you Penn State monsters get your priorities straight. Their little game was so important that children were sacrificed to it, its time to take their little game away. There was a riot to protest there being repercussions for creating a pro child rape environment because it interfered with football? Its a fucking game! I think that's a pretty clear sign that the Penn State folks are either so stupid or so evil that they can't worship their litte game anymore. That's it. Time to refocus your priorities.
Or if football means more than children not being raped, now is a good time for mass suicide. We, as a society, don't need that. You're dirtying our collective gene pool. Go ahead and select a stake. Your only chance of not being a drain on the world is as a precaution to pedophiles everywhere. Ill even donate enough balls for you to play catch from up there. Well... until you die.
Oh and the rapist, the guy that saw the rapist do it and walked away, and everyone that knew and did the least they could? Flayed alive then impaled.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Things I Will Never Do Again
Candy corn. That shit is beyond vile. But they keep making it. And every three years lr so, I taste it again.
French or American manicure. I like them on other people, just not on me.
Any halloween costume involving a hat or mask. Or fake fur. Or anything hot. Florida is hot.
Remember Michael Jackson fondly. Its not the junkie thing. Its listening to the story on Jimmy Kimmel about him terrorizing and assaulting homeless people in the middle of the night like its some cute endearing anecdote. Its awful. Its also something only a terrible person would do. Fuck that scumbag.
French or American manicure. I like them on other people, just not on me.
Any halloween costume involving a hat or mask. Or fake fur. Or anything hot. Florida is hot.
Remember Michael Jackson fondly. Its not the junkie thing. Its listening to the story on Jimmy Kimmel about him terrorizing and assaulting homeless people in the middle of the night like its some cute endearing anecdote. Its awful. Its also something only a terrible person would do. Fuck that scumbag.
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