National Coffee Day

Finally, a holiday I can get behind.

An Open Letter to the Nasty Cunt Using the 2nd Floor Bathroom

I don't know who you are and frankly, I don't care. But a) learn to flush and b) learn to WIPE YOUR NASTY ASS!  WTF?!?  This is the 2nd time today I've found the toilet in the first stall full of shit and no toilet paper.

I should spot you soon between the scratching and the horrible dirty ass stench.

Appocolypse

I live from app to app. FL app, blog app, FB app, Twitter, news feeds and of course cross platform chat.

I remember a time when I wasn't plugged in 24/7.  Not sentimental for it. I like this more.

A short workout to get me sweating, a cup of chocolate raspberry truffle coffee with splenda.  A good way to roll into Monday.


I am hoping that whatever the hell is going on with my body is on the way out.  Seems like a severe immune response.  I can't imagine what allergen is on the loose but it has hit every combo of defense response my body has.  At once.  So I have a flare up of my inconvenient little chronic pain problem AND the skin of a 14 year old in a hormone rush.  Feel like I'm 90, oily like I'm 14.  No fair!

One should never have to use wrinkle cream and acne medication at the same time.  Its just not fair.

For Fuck's Sake, Put Your Fucking Pants On!

When the fuck did people start to think it was perfectly acceptable to go to the store in fucking pajamas?  Is it really that hard to put on some pants?  I have had some spectacularly slobbish moments in my life... but for fuck's sake, put some fucking pants on.

If you are over the age of 6, you shouldn't be at the grocery store in your pajamas.  If you don't have the time or energy to dress yourself, I am guessing you didn't manage to run a brush over your teeth, or bathe, or even wipe your ass all the way.  And I don't want your skanky disease infested ass near my food.

If you can't manage to pull it together enough to clean and dress yourself, stay home you lazy slob.  

Fuck you... go home.  Stay home.  Take a shower!

Disclaimer

At this point it is starting to seem that the amount of time and thought people are putting into disclaimers that explain what an opinion is now exceeds the opinions being expressed.

What is the point of explaining that an opinion statement you make is your opinion?  Of course its your opinion.  There is an entire mechanism in place to reflect that the statements you are expressing are not your own opinion.  They are called quote marks.  Are there really so many people expressing other people's opinions that this point requires constant repetition?

Simply declaring something is "just your opinion" does NOT prevent other people from disagreeing with that opinion.  It isn't a magic word.  It doesn't mean your opinion isn't stupid.  There are a lot of stupid people with a lot of stupid opinions.

Now that is a disclaimer I would appreciate.  "You can probably skip reading this... I am an idiot."  That would be a real time saver.  I don't need to read what an opinion is 500 times a day.

If This Were A Movie

The satellite falling to Earth would stop the execution of that Georgia guy until they clear up whether he did anything.

Or it hits the CDC and releases the zombie virus. Really the whole zombie thing... its just a matter of when.

Or the falling satellite hits Japan's leaking nuclear plant and only... Brad Pitt and Lindsey Lohan can stop it. With Science!

Not the same science that causes that zombie thing. That would be bad.

You Know Who You Are

Our Spies Came Home

Hiking... in Iran. Mmmmhmmm. Or as most would call it... spies who got busted. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy our spies were returned alive and all. But they're not "hikers".  That's like calling someone who gets busted with a pot plant a "landscaper".

Israel and Palestine... ugh, re-runs. 

CNN is getting a little dry. Quick... some "C" list celebrity. Now is your time to get fucked up and grab that empty spotlight. Come on toppless Britney rant. Come on Charlie Sheen rampage.

D.A.D.T. is dead! lets skullfuck the corpse!

Yay!  The end of a stupid bigotted era.

What Happens When Dr. Who Gives You A Manucire

Re-"Victimization"

Dear Survivors;

Yeah, I know.  It can be annoying.  You spend years rebuilding yourself and then some online yahoo comes along and attempts to re-"victimize" you.  Someone who tells you that you don't have the brains or the skills to know whether you are or are not being abused now.  It can open all kinds of doors and create all kinds of self-doubt.  Take you right back to those early days of recovery where you doubt your own ability to make a choice or your own view of reality.  I get how angry it can make you when someone tells you that you aren't being abused and that it can be just as hurtful for some uninformed person to put you right back there and tell you that you are being abused.  I get that this sort of thing can cause years of setback in someone's recovery.

Take a deep breath, and say no.  Say no, I will NOT be a "victim" for you.

You can.  If you made it out alive, don't let someone else drag you back in.  You did all the hard work to get yourself away from abuse.  Don't let someone else drag you back there.  Don't let someone turn a survivor into a "victim" because they have an agenda.

Neo-Nazis Are Fucking Stupid

Yes, I know that's obvious.  But the one who tried to bomb the MLK parade last year was not only marching in the parade. With a camera. And he apparently paid for the bomb parts with a trackable payment method.

Why?

Because neo-nazis are fucking stupid.

So Master Came Home Covered In Blood Last Night...

He went to see "Song of the Living Dead". That play is very funny.  There is a "splash zone".

What I find funny is that I live somewhere where a guy can drive around covered in blood and there is zero reaction.

I have to flee to Party City now, but if you have Spotify give "I'm Fucking Awesome" or "Why Are You Cornholing Me Jesus" a listen for a laugh but its not work safe.

Overdrive

The laundry is running.
The dishwasher is running.
There is cod and brussels sprouts roasting in the oven.
The risotto finished a few minutes ago.
And I was knitting a scarf.

I may have gone into domestic overdrive this evening.

Time to Shave the Vacuum

I have hip length hair.  Master has waist length hair.

Sometimes, the vacuum cleaner needs a hair cut.

Een goede dag verder!