Le Sigh

Well what happened last night was most assuredly a multi-level festival of the suck.

But its also not my story to tell.  So I won't.

Everyone is still alive, and that is all that really matters.  At this point, I am just grateful for that, because it very nearly was not the case.  Closer than I care for.  Everything else can be dealt with in time.  Today we will just watch Sons of Anarchy, have a glass of cold wine in a warm tub and relax.

I started on a new collar.  Something different - square beads.  So far its making for a very smooth surface.  Its interesting.  I won't really know if I like the look until it is all finished, though.  So far my preference has been for miyuki delicas.   Very smooth.  After this, I am going to try something much more difficult than I ever have before.  Fingers crossed.  

Biggest Loser

I love this show.  Around this time last year, I weighed as much, and in some cases 40 pounds more, than some of the contestants starting off on this show.  At the time, I didn't see myself as that severely obese.  Numbers don't lie.  At just shy of 300 pounds, clearly I was.  Now I have trouble thinking in terms of the smaller me.

I started watching it 2 seasons ago part way through the season when I started my weight loss for ideas on things I might try.  What I ended up finding was a lot of inspiration.  These people are just like me. I started like the female contestants at the beginning.  And now, I am around where they end up by season's end.  Anyone can do it.

Looking at it from the outside, watching someone else do it, makes it easier to see what I can't see in myself.  I look at these people before and after and think "Wow!  She looks so different!"  I never think of myself that way.  But other people do.

Eventually I am sure I will to.  Meanwhile, I plan to keep on going.

YKINMKBYKIFS

I have my own new little BDSM saying.

Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is fucking stupid.

My owner often says he is not politically correct.  I think he is having an effect on me.  Years of exposure will do that, I guess.


I am getting to that Victoria point.  She was this girl I knew when I was a kid who loved to run up to people who were trying to hard, fall to her knees at their feet and start screaming "Oh my god, you are SO cool, can I be more like you!" She did it to embarass them about the whole "look what a badass I am" thing.

And because she was completely insane.

But funny.

The whole "look how super duper uber slavey" thing?  Its getting old.  The whole pissing contest of "I have given up my entire being to my slavehood" attitude.

Here's your fucking cookie.  Now shut the fuck up.

The worst ones are the "I don't have any thoughts or opinions, my owner tells me what to think" people.  Aren't we, as a nation, stupid enough?  Do we really need to perpetuate the concept that someone is inherently incapable of higher thought?

Isn't that what the Tea Party is for?

Mental Notes - Whips, Chains and Chores

1.  My vanilla male friends think I spend my entire day running around naked, dripping, stubble free and perpetually mid blow-job.  I wish.  In reality, there are way more chores than sex acts to accomplish in my average day.  If my life were anything like that which your average vanilla married I have to beg to get some dude thinks it is, I would chafe so bad my cunt would burst into flames.

2.  The only thing in my life that seems to be in endless supply is dishes.  And laundry.  I swear, this shit breeds when I go to sleep at night.

3.  Now that I made that connection in my head, every time I see a slave speak in third person, I think "Stop talking like Elmo, this is not Sesame Street!!!!!" 

4.  I really need to not read Gorean forums. It makes my brain hurt.

5. I like every possible combo of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.