Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
WTF?
What is up with using the phrase "grammar nazi" as a pejorative? When the fuck did ignorance suddenly become a laudable thing? When did someone else observing the fact that someone has made it to adulthood and failed to obtain a workable knowledge in their own native language make the person making the observation the asshole? Spare me the bit about "it's what you say not how you say it". If how you say it reflects the fact that you are ignorant, lazy or stupid, how is that NOT a factor in the weight of what you say? The Palinization of our nation is a sad thing to witness, but if we are going to go the way of Rome, I, for one, am looking forward to the bit where we feed the Christians to the lions.
And when did use of the phrase "Its not my fault" stop getting questioned? I see this one a LOT on my weight loss blogs and groups. A LOT. Its my metabolism. If the internet is to be believed, we have a nation of people with hormonal problems and Krispy Kreme and McDonalds are going bankrupt while the veggie farmers are simply overrun. Only 99.9% of the people claiming to have a thyroid problem haven't been told this by an actual doctor, they never even go to a doctor, they aren't on any sort of thyroid medication. It just sounds like a workable excuse. Here is a news flash. Your fat cells are not reading your posts where you claim to eat well. You can't bullshit your body. Making up a fake medical problem as an excuse doesn't prevent heart attacks. It doesn't even achieve the basic goal of making you sound good. It makes you sound like a person incapable of personal responsibility and a liar. You know what people who actually have a thyroid condition do? They see a doctor and go on medication. I saw one woman post complaining that she could not lose weight even though she ate so healthily with a a list of what she ate that day, and it was pretty much all sugar and carbs. When people told her she wouldn't lose weight eating that way, she started to argue with them. Hey - dumb bitch - didn't you start off with "I am not losing weight"? So maybe, just maybe, pork with potatoes and rice and no veggies ISN'T working for you, no matter what your google search on whether potatoes are healthy said?
I need to get my desk upholstered and my palm padded.
Now I am hungry,damnit. I am going to go eat a Christian.
And when did use of the phrase "Its not my fault" stop getting questioned? I see this one a LOT on my weight loss blogs and groups. A LOT. Its my metabolism. If the internet is to be believed, we have a nation of people with hormonal problems and Krispy Kreme and McDonalds are going bankrupt while the veggie farmers are simply overrun. Only 99.9% of the people claiming to have a thyroid problem haven't been told this by an actual doctor, they never even go to a doctor, they aren't on any sort of thyroid medication. It just sounds like a workable excuse. Here is a news flash. Your fat cells are not reading your posts where you claim to eat well. You can't bullshit your body. Making up a fake medical problem as an excuse doesn't prevent heart attacks. It doesn't even achieve the basic goal of making you sound good. It makes you sound like a person incapable of personal responsibility and a liar. You know what people who actually have a thyroid condition do? They see a doctor and go on medication. I saw one woman post complaining that she could not lose weight even though she ate so healthily with a a list of what she ate that day, and it was pretty much all sugar and carbs. When people told her she wouldn't lose weight eating that way, she started to argue with them. Hey - dumb bitch - didn't you start off with "I am not losing weight"? So maybe, just maybe, pork with potatoes and rice and no veggies ISN'T working for you, no matter what your google search on whether potatoes are healthy said?
I need to get my desk upholstered and my palm padded.
Now I am hungry,damnit. I am going to go eat a Christian.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Mental Notes
1. I am loved. I am happy.
2. When you find yourself thinking "I should probably replace my car battery soon." sooner is most surely better than later.
3. Master made it all better, as he always does.
4. The things that plastic surgery can do to you are terrifying.
5. Thanksgiving sticks around for days. Luckily I brought home primarily veggies.
6. Roasted brussels sprouts with kosher salt = crack.
2. When you find yourself thinking "I should probably replace my car battery soon." sooner is most surely better than later.
3. Master made it all better, as he always does.
4. The things that plastic surgery can do to you are terrifying.
5. Thanksgiving sticks around for days. Luckily I brought home primarily veggies.
6. Roasted brussels sprouts with kosher salt = crack.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
More Cowbell
Its been about a decade since I have attended Camelot Days in TY Park. I forgot how small it is. We sort of took the kids around once, my son watched a comedy/magic show, got himself a wand, and we left. My shopping was a bit limited by only bringing $100 in cash. I didn't realize by "period" they were not going to have credit card capacity. Its the 21st century here people. They have an app for that. Somehow limiting how much people can spend seems like a bad business plan. I have three devices that can run a credit card in my living room right now. Guess there won't be any more non-FLARF medieval outings.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Huzzah!
This past weekend we went out with Hawkke his birthday. This Argentinian steakhouse place with good skirt steak and better sangria. We had a blast. The men more than I, me being the designated driver. I don't drink much anymore, really. Its not worth the calories or the hangover. I guess I am a grownup after all. And now we have a year of "37!!" to look forward to. Not being used to red meat, though, I pay the price for days. Now this coming weekend its Camelot Days. The Muffin Man is doing something low cal this year. Huzzah for the low cal option! Maybe I will buy something pretty, since I am out of the plus sizes. Then again, I am still losing so maybe I should wait.
We got around to the second episode of "The Walking Dead" at last. Its a really good show so far. A few years ago, just the preview would have had me up all night clinging to Master in fear. With his help, in a relatively small amount of time, I am loving this show. Those first few honeymoon months with someone are nice and all, but "love" is not constant sex and everything is rosy. Love is him knowing me so well that, after watching a zombie show for 45 minutes, when I stand still in the threshold of our darkened bedroom and pause even though I really have to pee, he knows what is wrong without having to explain, goes and turns on the lights and assures me there are no zombies hiding in the shower.
It was really dark in there.
B has read the whole comic series so far and said it's an amazing series. Let's face it, with the advent of the glitter covered vampires of Twilight and the release of Zombieland and The Walking Dead, zombies have pulled ahead of vampires in the bad-ass department. Not being afraid of them makes watching zombie movies and shows much less traumatic. Apparently not walk through a dark bedroom less, but being with a man who doesn't mind the occasional monster under the bed check for a grown woman does make that easier.
There are several types in a post zombiepocolypse world. Realistically, I know that I am a body in a house with a bullet in its head because there is NO way I want to live in the zombie world. Just another upside to atheism. But if I were to survive somehow, I think I would be the one who executed former family members without hesitation type. I am not saying I am a particularly cold person. I just REALLY don't like zombies. There is a scene in the first episode where the leading man, another man and the other man's son are holed up in an abandoned house. There are a bunch of zombies on the front lawn and suddenly the kid notices that his mom is one of them and starts crying. I don't blame the kid for that at all. But what the hell kind of parent are you that you let your kid go through that. I know you loved your wife and all, but when your wife starts to try to eat your kids, maybe its time to put a bullet in her brain.
Speaking of people who need a bullet in the brain... the Elizabeth Smart trial started. We really do need to start executing child rapists and child molesters. I am kidding, of course, about the bullet. That is way to quick and painless. I am sure there is some combo of things from the Spanish Inquisition involving the bowels that would be along the lines of what should be done to these people. Pedophilia is incurable. Coincidentally, so is the death penalty. Use one to cure the other.
I know, I am a bad social liberal? I am also a mom.
We got around to the second episode of "The Walking Dead" at last. Its a really good show so far. A few years ago, just the preview would have had me up all night clinging to Master in fear. With his help, in a relatively small amount of time, I am loving this show. Those first few honeymoon months with someone are nice and all, but "love" is not constant sex and everything is rosy. Love is him knowing me so well that, after watching a zombie show for 45 minutes, when I stand still in the threshold of our darkened bedroom and pause even though I really have to pee, he knows what is wrong without having to explain, goes and turns on the lights and assures me there are no zombies hiding in the shower.
It was really dark in there.
B has read the whole comic series so far and said it's an amazing series. Let's face it, with the advent of the glitter covered vampires of Twilight and the release of Zombieland and The Walking Dead, zombies have pulled ahead of vampires in the bad-ass department. Not being afraid of them makes watching zombie movies and shows much less traumatic. Apparently not walk through a dark bedroom less, but being with a man who doesn't mind the occasional monster under the bed check for a grown woman does make that easier.
There are several types in a post zombiepocolypse world. Realistically, I know that I am a body in a house with a bullet in its head because there is NO way I want to live in the zombie world. Just another upside to atheism. But if I were to survive somehow, I think I would be the one who executed former family members without hesitation type. I am not saying I am a particularly cold person. I just REALLY don't like zombies. There is a scene in the first episode where the leading man, another man and the other man's son are holed up in an abandoned house. There are a bunch of zombies on the front lawn and suddenly the kid notices that his mom is one of them and starts crying. I don't blame the kid for that at all. But what the hell kind of parent are you that you let your kid go through that. I know you loved your wife and all, but when your wife starts to try to eat your kids, maybe its time to put a bullet in her brain.
Speaking of people who need a bullet in the brain... the Elizabeth Smart trial started. We really do need to start executing child rapists and child molesters. I am kidding, of course, about the bullet. That is way to quick and painless. I am sure there is some combo of things from the Spanish Inquisition involving the bowels that would be along the lines of what should be done to these people. Pedophilia is incurable. Coincidentally, so is the death penalty. Use one to cure the other.
I know, I am a bad social liberal? I am also a mom.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Support
I was reading posts on one of the weight loss support groups I am a member of and this woman's story just plain broke my heart. (I actually have one on occasion.) It just came across that the man she was with was not only very critical of her weight (despite being morbidly obese himself) but also not very supportive of her own efforts to make changes. I also have a friend who's husband fought her efforts to change the family's eating habits for the better. I know severely obese women with husbands that bring home cheesecakes and bags of candy when they try to diet and have heard 'I'm afraid she will get in shape and leave me" as an excuse. That's a shitty way to treat someone you say you care about.
It really made me think how lucky I am that I have had so much support in every step of my weight loss. When I start to slack, Master is willing to encourage me not to disappoint myself without acting judgmental or disappointed in me. Somehow doing it alone even would be easier than doing it while being actively discouraged.
I had a fun experience when shopping for the kids' costumes this year. I was looking at the costumes and realized I would actually be able to buy an off the rack "slutty" costume this year if I wanted. Since all we are doing is taking the kids around my parents' neighborhood for a bit, it seemed silly to do that in uncomfortable shoes, so I didn't. But I COULD, and that kinda rocks.
Halloween itself got rained out. Oh well.
It really made me think how lucky I am that I have had so much support in every step of my weight loss. When I start to slack, Master is willing to encourage me not to disappoint myself without acting judgmental or disappointed in me. Somehow doing it alone even would be easier than doing it while being actively discouraged.
I had a fun experience when shopping for the kids' costumes this year. I was looking at the costumes and realized I would actually be able to buy an off the rack "slutty" costume this year if I wanted. Since all we are doing is taking the kids around my parents' neighborhood for a bit, it seemed silly to do that in uncomfortable shoes, so I didn't. But I COULD, and that kinda rocks.
Halloween itself got rained out. Oh well.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Square Dance and Guns Drawn
I officially dislike square beads. I wanted to try out something new. But it turns out they are difficult to work with and, in the end, not all that different from miyuki beads for uniformity. It might be the matte finish wasn't helping. The collar I started out on ended up as a bracelet, and even so I found the physical sensation of the beads so irritating that even that 6 inches took me a few weeks.
My next pattern is one I actually bought online. Its a bracelet, but will be the widest piece I have ever done. And the most complicated pattern (even though its relatively simple, I am still very new to looming). So we shall see how that goes.
So the last time we went to Disney, after we got back on the road from picking up M, as we are driving on the Turnpike, we see the police on the side of the road, guns drawn and pointing at someone in an SUV. That was a Disney trip first. I am guessing their trip was not nearly as fun as ours was.
My next pattern is one I actually bought online. Its a bracelet, but will be the widest piece I have ever done. And the most complicated pattern (even though its relatively simple, I am still very new to looming). So we shall see how that goes.
So the last time we went to Disney, after we got back on the road from picking up M, as we are driving on the Turnpike, we see the police on the side of the road, guns drawn and pointing at someone in an SUV. That was a Disney trip first. I am guessing their trip was not nearly as fun as ours was.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Mental Notes
1. Making pumpkin bread in the morning makes the entire house smell amazing.
2. I get an Elmo stamp on the hand when I use the potty.
3. I do not like square beads
4. Covering 6 people's jobs leaves me exhausted.
2. I get an Elmo stamp on the hand when I use the potty.
3. I do not like square beads
4. Covering 6 people's jobs leaves me exhausted.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Ummm I'm a Kid Now?
I tend to piss people off.
Big shocker there, I know.
I am not nice. I do not rephrase my opinions to state them in a nice way. And when people of a limited intellect get angry, they tend to hurl insults. The only problem is, not being very bright... they tend to hurl lame or off target insults.
Calling someone a "kid" really only works as an insult when they are, in fact, a kid. I'm 35. Pointing out my age, with the implication that I am somehow young or inexperienced is not quite the stinging barb one might hope for when the person in question is middle aged, has a couple of kids, a marriage that took a decade to end, a big chunk off a 30 year mortgage... do you see where I am going with this?
The whole "what would you know, you're only 35" argument only really works if we were discussing geriatric issues. Which, while I am sure this guy has far more experience with, wasn't really the topic of discussion.
Seriously, stop embarassing yourself. That "you're too young to understand" crap has an expiration date, Einstein. Jesus, if you can't step up to the plate stay on the fucking bench. Swinging away for the cheap seats only to smack yourself in the face with the bat is just fucking sad. Actually, hitting yourself in the face with a bat might be a good start. At least you could use it as an excuse for why you look like that.
I understand that the person in question is a member of a certain social group that has led me to believe it attracts the, lets just say, lower rung of the I.Q. ladder. *coughGoreanscough* So chances are he really is kind of a little retarded. Its unfair to expect better of your inferiors. But still... a little effort? Looking at my profile one can come up with way better insults and implications. My age is clearly listed. I am not pretending to be some teen. I am middle fucking aged!
Here's a hint to the man in question - you went in the wrong direction, Einstein.
Big shocker there, I know.
I am not nice. I do not rephrase my opinions to state them in a nice way. And when people of a limited intellect get angry, they tend to hurl insults. The only problem is, not being very bright... they tend to hurl lame or off target insults.
Calling someone a "kid" really only works as an insult when they are, in fact, a kid. I'm 35. Pointing out my age, with the implication that I am somehow young or inexperienced is not quite the stinging barb one might hope for when the person in question is middle aged, has a couple of kids, a marriage that took a decade to end, a big chunk off a 30 year mortgage... do you see where I am going with this?
The whole "what would you know, you're only 35" argument only really works if we were discussing geriatric issues. Which, while I am sure this guy has far more experience with, wasn't really the topic of discussion.
Seriously, stop embarassing yourself. That "you're too young to understand" crap has an expiration date, Einstein. Jesus, if you can't step up to the plate stay on the fucking bench. Swinging away for the cheap seats only to smack yourself in the face with the bat is just fucking sad. Actually, hitting yourself in the face with a bat might be a good start. At least you could use it as an excuse for why you look like that.
I understand that the person in question is a member of a certain social group that has led me to believe it attracts the, lets just say, lower rung of the I.Q. ladder. *coughGoreanscough* So chances are he really is kind of a little retarded. Its unfair to expect better of your inferiors. But still... a little effort? Looking at my profile one can come up with way better insults and implications. My age is clearly listed. I am not pretending to be some teen. I am middle fucking aged!
Here's a hint to the man in question - you went in the wrong direction, Einstein.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Collecting and Peeing for an Audience... Again
Ok this is not nearly as interesting as the title might imply.
During the course of my last Disney excursion (or incursion, it really depends on your point of view I guess) I finally fell prey to the one Disney related addiction I had somehow managed to avoid in my first 1,000+ trips.
Hi, my name is Daughtry, and I am a pin collector.
Sigh.
I see this getting expensive. Like most of my little obsessions, I tend to go way overboard. I have enough jewelry making supplies to bedazzle my car. I can start now and work until this time next year and not go through what I already have in my now sizable beads cabinet. I don't even sell what I make. This is what I have laying around to feed my own personal obsession. A few years ago I gave F my box of Vampire cards. I had a few thousand. I had played the game for less than a month. Yes, I know, I am insane. OCD people really shouldn't indulge in OCD friendly hobbies. Blame M, she talked me into it. (And by that I mean she did it within 100 feet of me, therefor causing a domino effect. I am also a communist. Blame Vietnam.)
And the peeing for an audience thing? Potty training the toddler.
See, told you it wouldn't be as interesting as one might think.
During the course of my last Disney excursion (or incursion, it really depends on your point of view I guess) I finally fell prey to the one Disney related addiction I had somehow managed to avoid in my first 1,000+ trips.
Hi, my name is Daughtry, and I am a pin collector.
Sigh.
I see this getting expensive. Like most of my little obsessions, I tend to go way overboard. I have enough jewelry making supplies to bedazzle my car. I can start now and work until this time next year and not go through what I already have in my now sizable beads cabinet. I don't even sell what I make. This is what I have laying around to feed my own personal obsession. A few years ago I gave F my box of Vampire cards. I had a few thousand. I had played the game for less than a month. Yes, I know, I am insane. OCD people really shouldn't indulge in OCD friendly hobbies. Blame M, she talked me into it. (And by that I mean she did it within 100 feet of me, therefor causing a domino effect. I am also a communist. Blame Vietnam.)
And the peeing for an audience thing? Potty training the toddler.
See, told you it wouldn't be as interesting as one might think.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Brrrraaaaiiiinnnnsss!!!!
So apprently while I was wandering drunk and partying in Disney and Universal, I missed the Zombie Walk in Miami - or a chance to wander around drunk and partying in Miami.
Though really, one could walk around all day in Miami looking for brains to eat only to end up starving to death. Tourist season has already started and, despite what they call it, you're not actually allowed to hunt them.
Totally unfair, I know, huh?
Oh well, maybe next year I can splatter on the green paint and the blood and shuffle through downtown Touristville.
But how does one tell the difference between the "zombies" and the "tourists" anyway? Its the same blank dead eyed look, the same aimless shamble.
Just look for the backhair coming up over the top of the Speedo. Dead give away.
Also - way more frightening than zombies. I would rather jump head first into a pile of the flesh eating undead wearing Lady Gaga's meat dress than spend five minutes shopping on Lincoln Road with a bunch of French Canadians.
Actually, when the zombie apocolypse comes, and it will, I recommend hiding behind the French Canadian tourists. Zombies only want humans with brains, right? Those people are totally safe. The zombies just need to watch them drive for 5 minutes to know there will be no feast at that table.
Though really, one could walk around all day in Miami looking for brains to eat only to end up starving to death. Tourist season has already started and, despite what they call it, you're not actually allowed to hunt them.
Totally unfair, I know, huh?
Oh well, maybe next year I can splatter on the green paint and the blood and shuffle through downtown Touristville.
But how does one tell the difference between the "zombies" and the "tourists" anyway? Its the same blank dead eyed look, the same aimless shamble.
Just look for the backhair coming up over the top of the Speedo. Dead give away.
Also - way more frightening than zombies. I would rather jump head first into a pile of the flesh eating undead wearing Lady Gaga's meat dress than spend five minutes shopping on Lincoln Road with a bunch of French Canadians.
Actually, when the zombie apocolypse comes, and it will, I recommend hiding behind the French Canadian tourists. Zombies only want humans with brains, right? Those people are totally safe. The zombies just need to watch them drive for 5 minutes to know there will be no feast at that table.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Woo Girl Weekend
I spent a weekend of drunken debauchery at the Epcot Food and Wine Festival and Halloween Horror Nights with friends. I now have to limp/hobble back to the day job with a sigh.
My favorite parts were the Harry Potter section of Universal and of course... the drunken wandering. I don't really drink anymore, with the diet. Also, 100 pounds of difference in your weight makes it way easier to get drunk. Both at Epcot and drinking shots with E at HHN.
There was much wooing.
Then we got back and picked up Master's new car. Oooooh pretty pretty shiney shiney.
And my first boyfriend, the boy I lost my virginity too once upon a LONG time ago, messaged me. I think he is the only person alive that I am not related to and that I do speak to that knew me when I was a virgin.
Contrary to popular belief, I actually was once upon a time.
My favorite parts were the Harry Potter section of Universal and of course... the drunken wandering. I don't really drink anymore, with the diet. Also, 100 pounds of difference in your weight makes it way easier to get drunk. Both at Epcot and drinking shots with E at HHN.
There was much wooing.
Then we got back and picked up Master's new car. Oooooh pretty pretty shiney shiney.
And my first boyfriend, the boy I lost my virginity too once upon a LONG time ago, messaged me. I think he is the only person alive that I am not related to and that I do speak to that knew me when I was a virgin.
Contrary to popular belief, I actually was once upon a time.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Le Sigh
Well what happened last night was most assuredly a multi-level festival of the suck.
But its also not my story to tell. So I won't.
Everyone is still alive, and that is all that really matters. At this point, I am just grateful for that, because it very nearly was not the case. Closer than I care for. Everything else can be dealt with in time. Today we will just watch Sons of Anarchy, have a glass of cold wine in a warm tub and relax.
I started on a new collar. Something different - square beads. So far its making for a very smooth surface. Its interesting. I won't really know if I like the look until it is all finished, though. So far my preference has been for miyuki delicas. Very smooth. After this, I am going to try something much more difficult than I ever have before. Fingers crossed.
But its also not my story to tell. So I won't.
Everyone is still alive, and that is all that really matters. At this point, I am just grateful for that, because it very nearly was not the case. Closer than I care for. Everything else can be dealt with in time. Today we will just watch Sons of Anarchy, have a glass of cold wine in a warm tub and relax.
I started on a new collar. Something different - square beads. So far its making for a very smooth surface. Its interesting. I won't really know if I like the look until it is all finished, though. So far my preference has been for miyuki delicas. Very smooth. After this, I am going to try something much more difficult than I ever have before. Fingers crossed.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Biggest Loser
I love this show. Around this time last year, I weighed as much, and in some cases 40 pounds more, than some of the contestants starting off on this show. At the time, I didn't see myself as that severely obese. Numbers don't lie. At just shy of 300 pounds, clearly I was. Now I have trouble thinking in terms of the smaller me.
I started watching it 2 seasons ago part way through the season when I started my weight loss for ideas on things I might try. What I ended up finding was a lot of inspiration. These people are just like me. I started like the female contestants at the beginning. And now, I am around where they end up by season's end. Anyone can do it.
Looking at it from the outside, watching someone else do it, makes it easier to see what I can't see in myself. I look at these people before and after and think "Wow! She looks so different!" I never think of myself that way. But other people do.
Eventually I am sure I will to. Meanwhile, I plan to keep on going.
I started watching it 2 seasons ago part way through the season when I started my weight loss for ideas on things I might try. What I ended up finding was a lot of inspiration. These people are just like me. I started like the female contestants at the beginning. And now, I am around where they end up by season's end. Anyone can do it.
Looking at it from the outside, watching someone else do it, makes it easier to see what I can't see in myself. I look at these people before and after and think "Wow! She looks so different!" I never think of myself that way. But other people do.
Eventually I am sure I will to. Meanwhile, I plan to keep on going.
YKINMKBYKIFS
I have my own new little BDSM saying.
Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is fucking stupid.
My owner often says he is not politically correct. I think he is having an effect on me. Years of exposure will do that, I guess.
I am getting to that Victoria point. She was this girl I knew when I was a kid who loved to run up to people who were trying to hard, fall to her knees at their feet and start screaming "Oh my god, you are SO cool, can I be more like you!" She did it to embarass them about the whole "look what a badass I am" thing.
And because she was completely insane.
But funny.
The whole "look how super duper uber slavey" thing? Its getting old. The whole pissing contest of "I have given up my entire being to my slavehood" attitude.
Here's your fucking cookie. Now shut the fuck up.
The worst ones are the "I don't have any thoughts or opinions, my owner tells me what to think" people. Aren't we, as a nation, stupid enough? Do we really need to perpetuate the concept that someone is inherently incapable of higher thought?
Isn't that what the Tea Party is for?
Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is fucking stupid.
My owner often says he is not politically correct. I think he is having an effect on me. Years of exposure will do that, I guess.
I am getting to that Victoria point. She was this girl I knew when I was a kid who loved to run up to people who were trying to hard, fall to her knees at their feet and start screaming "Oh my god, you are SO cool, can I be more like you!" She did it to embarass them about the whole "look what a badass I am" thing.
And because she was completely insane.
But funny.
The whole "look how super duper uber slavey" thing? Its getting old. The whole pissing contest of "I have given up my entire being to my slavehood" attitude.
Here's your fucking cookie. Now shut the fuck up.
The worst ones are the "I don't have any thoughts or opinions, my owner tells me what to think" people. Aren't we, as a nation, stupid enough? Do we really need to perpetuate the concept that someone is inherently incapable of higher thought?
Isn't that what the Tea Party is for?
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Mental Notes - Whips, Chains and Chores
1. My vanilla male friends think I spend my entire day running around naked, dripping, stubble free and perpetually mid blow-job. I wish. In reality, there are way more chores than sex acts to accomplish in my average day. If my life were anything like that which your average vanilla married I have to beg to get some dude thinks it is, I would chafe so bad my cunt would burst into flames.
2. The only thing in my life that seems to be in endless supply is dishes. And laundry. I swear, this shit breeds when I go to sleep at night.
3. Now that I made that connection in my head, every time I see a slave speak in third person, I think "Stop talking like Elmo, this is not Sesame Street!!!!!"
4. I really need to not read Gorean forums. It makes my brain hurt.
5. I like every possible combo of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
2. The only thing in my life that seems to be in endless supply is dishes. And laundry. I swear, this shit breeds when I go to sleep at night.
3. Now that I made that connection in my head, every time I see a slave speak in third person, I think "Stop talking like Elmo, this is not Sesame Street!!!!!"
4. I really need to not read Gorean forums. It makes my brain hurt.
5. I like every possible combo of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Ouch - In The Bad Way
So since my youngest was born I have lost 100 pounds. 80 of it in the last year. But I have been stuck for about 2 months now in the same 5 pound range. I need to push past that wall. I re-joined the gym, because clearly the Wii alone isn't going to cut it. I can't run in this heat. I am very vulnerable to heat exhaustion. I still want to lose about 35 pounds more (even though people tell me I should be done.) I haven't gotten to the minimum Master would allow. (I am not allowed below a certain point. He doesn't like underweight women.)
Went back to the same franchise. Upgraded to the multi-location option, so I can go near work, near the house or the newer upgraded location.
I rejoined Friday and have been going daily. Wow my upper body was not happy to be back into the swing. With the home stuff and the running my legs are good. I am getting tone back. But the upper - I am still totally toneless. I need the circuit training and free weights I just can't get that at home. We don't have the room to make a home gym.
I was only 2 miles in on the bike today when I got hit with the worst migraine I have had to date. That sucked. I had trouble seeing, nausea. I texted Master from the locker room because he has way more experience with migraines and he said the cool water would help so I swam laps for awhile. He was right. (No shock there.)
As if I weren't sick enough, that is when the old man starts wandering around in his wet soiled tightie whiteys with his swim trunks wrapped around one leg. Wow. Nausea for a whole different set of reasons.
Which reminded me of small package man who used to wander around the BDSM nights down here in South Florida. He would show up at almost every event and just wander around in a mostly empty g-string. I often find myself wondering about the approaches some men take toward women.
Dude, on what planet did you really think that would work?
Went back to the same franchise. Upgraded to the multi-location option, so I can go near work, near the house or the newer upgraded location.
I rejoined Friday and have been going daily. Wow my upper body was not happy to be back into the swing. With the home stuff and the running my legs are good. I am getting tone back. But the upper - I am still totally toneless. I need the circuit training and free weights I just can't get that at home. We don't have the room to make a home gym.
I was only 2 miles in on the bike today when I got hit with the worst migraine I have had to date. That sucked. I had trouble seeing, nausea. I texted Master from the locker room because he has way more experience with migraines and he said the cool water would help so I swam laps for awhile. He was right. (No shock there.)
As if I weren't sick enough, that is when the old man starts wandering around in his wet soiled tightie whiteys with his swim trunks wrapped around one leg. Wow. Nausea for a whole different set of reasons.
Which reminded me of small package man who used to wander around the BDSM nights down here in South Florida. He would show up at almost every event and just wander around in a mostly empty g-string. I often find myself wondering about the approaches some men take toward women.
Dude, on what planet did you really think that would work?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Stupid Shit Stupid People Actually Believe About Gay Marriage
I am noticing a trend about the anti-gay marriage people.
They are fucking retarded. (Yes, Sarah Palin, that's right - I said it!)
1. "Its abut state rights!" No, fuckhat. It isn't. The state, the people, the popular majority, doesn't actually have a right to pass laws that make everyone that isn't them a second class of citizenry. That's why black people aren't slaves anymore. Why women can vote now. If you actually believe the states have a right to pass a vote that relegates a portion of its citizenry to a second class place in this world based solely on the fact that there are more of you than there are of them, you are fucking retarded. You are also an asshole, a horrible person, and I personally hope you get hit by a bus and slowly burn to death. Fuck you. Seriously.
2. "Gay marriage will destroy traditional marriage!" Only if you're married to a closeted gay person. Gay people are not going to go back to the silent world of the 1940s just because they can't marry. They aren't going away. Grow up. Get over it. If you think that the existence of gay married people will somehow effect your own marriage, you are fucking retarded. You're also in a pretty bad marriage, and trying to make a scapegoat out of gay people isn't going to change that.
3. "Civil unions are ok. Its the same thing!" Ok, lets get rid of "marriage" as a state institution alltogether. You apply to the state for a license and, gay or straight, enter into a civil union. If you want to get "married" you go to your church and it is solely a church thing. Like baptism or a bar mitzvah. Otherwise - what it IS is seperate but equal and we may as well start installing those seperate water fountains and send the gay people to the back of the bus. If you think its ok, you are fucking retarded and you're lying to yourself. (Yes, Obama, that includes you.)
They are fucking retarded. (Yes, Sarah Palin, that's right - I said it!)
1. "Its abut state rights!" No, fuckhat. It isn't. The state, the people, the popular majority, doesn't actually have a right to pass laws that make everyone that isn't them a second class of citizenry. That's why black people aren't slaves anymore. Why women can vote now. If you actually believe the states have a right to pass a vote that relegates a portion of its citizenry to a second class place in this world based solely on the fact that there are more of you than there are of them, you are fucking retarded. You are also an asshole, a horrible person, and I personally hope you get hit by a bus and slowly burn to death. Fuck you. Seriously.
2. "Gay marriage will destroy traditional marriage!" Only if you're married to a closeted gay person. Gay people are not going to go back to the silent world of the 1940s just because they can't marry. They aren't going away. Grow up. Get over it. If you think that the existence of gay married people will somehow effect your own marriage, you are fucking retarded. You're also in a pretty bad marriage, and trying to make a scapegoat out of gay people isn't going to change that.
3. "Civil unions are ok. Its the same thing!" Ok, lets get rid of "marriage" as a state institution alltogether. You apply to the state for a license and, gay or straight, enter into a civil union. If you want to get "married" you go to your church and it is solely a church thing. Like baptism or a bar mitzvah. Otherwise - what it IS is seperate but equal and we may as well start installing those seperate water fountains and send the gay people to the back of the bus. If you think its ok, you are fucking retarded and you're lying to yourself. (Yes, Obama, that includes you.)
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Circling the Dumbass Drain
There is this board website I read and have recently been commenting on called fetlife. It affords me a glimpse into the mental workings of average intelligence people that my normal daily activities don't expose me to.
I am finding that I am not a fan.
I am not accustomed to discussions that involve having to explain to people, repeatedly, that they do not get to redefine words. Or people who don't actually read the content of what they are commenting on, and actually declare it. It never occurred to me that if you don't understand the meaning of a word, you just make up your own and roll with it. It would never occur to me to take the "I have no idea what I am talking about, but I am going to state my opinion anyway."
Head meet desk.
I just don't see how these people function.
We need to start considering stupid people as a food source.
I am finding that I am not a fan.
I am not accustomed to discussions that involve having to explain to people, repeatedly, that they do not get to redefine words. Or people who don't actually read the content of what they are commenting on, and actually declare it. It never occurred to me that if you don't understand the meaning of a word, you just make up your own and roll with it. It would never occur to me to take the "I have no idea what I am talking about, but I am going to state my opinion anyway."
Head meet desk.
I just don't see how these people function.
We need to start considering stupid people as a food source.
Friday, July 2, 2010
You Just Friended My Stalker
I have often seen women on BDSM boards declare that if they left, their Master would hunt them down and bring them home. It is often declared proudly, as if it is somehow romantic.
As someone who has been stalked, I do not find this sort of sentiment romantic or cute. When you leave someone to escape them, really leave and not some game time attention ploy to see if they will follow, being "hunted down" can be the worst experience of your life. It can change you, harden and darken you.
It certainly did me.
When I was a kid, I got into a really bad relationship. The guy was flat out nuts. I don't say this because he is my ex. I say this because he was diagnosed as such by the State on the several occassions during our relationship when he was involuntarily committed to a mental health facility. Usually for trying to kill me or a member of his family.
As is often the case with domestic abusers, he didn't hit random people on the street. He didn't have an anger management problem. He managed it very well. He managed to direct it to people he thought would love him enough to let him.
Over the years we dated, he beat me. Not in the fun way. Even at that young age, he would go for places where marks didn't show. The "out of control" was very controlled. I have driven off with him bleeding on my windshield. (He was big for cutting himself for sympathy.) I was dragged across rooms by the hair. I woke up cuffed and violated. I've had a knife held to my throat over his father's grave. He slammed my face into a bank window. He lied. He cheated. Constantly. That mistake I would repeat in later relationships. But I would never make the physical abuse mistake again. See - she can be taught!
I tried to leave several times. He would threaten to harm himself, his family, me. Sometimes he would try. Eventually when I found out he beat up the girl he cheated on me with, I figured out that I was not the problem or the cause and I did break it off, but it took years and years to break away. I stayed with friends the first few days, hiding out somewhere. But eventually, life happens and I had to get on with it.
I had several jobs over the next few years. Remember, I was still a teen and didn't have a career yet. I worked retail and fast food kid jobs. And every new one, I would walk out at the end of a night shift to find him sitting on my car. I am not sure how he found me. Well meaning friends no doubt.
More on well meaning friends and how much trouble they can cause later.
If I would go places by myself, he would jump out at me. He would follow me. Wandering through the grocery store became a terrifying experience.
I was standing outside my school, having a cigarette before going into a nighttime performance (orchestra and chorus) when his car came out of nowhere. He tried to run me down in the street like roadkill.
When I got married and moved into my ex-husband's apartment, he moved into an apartment upstairs. With his wife. I am sure she was thrilled.
I developed agorophobia. And panic attacks. I could not handle standing in an open area. Or crowds. I used to love concerts and would be the first one in the pit. For years, I could barely handle a long line at the movie theater.
I bought a gun. I learned to shoot.0
It got better over the years. The man I am with now helped a lot. He is patient with my twitchy moments and knows that it isn't him that causes it, but the PTSD. My abuser was always afraid of him. Afraid of men in general, actually. Like most domestic abusers, he is inherently weak. I know that.
I should know better than to be afraid. The truth is, I am stronger than that.
But not always.
Lately, my stalker managed to locate a bunch of us on an social networking site. He friended one of my friends. Then another. I got friend requests from him. Under multiple names. All of which I ignored.
And I started to have panic attacks again. I started to feel those agorophobia feelings again.
Then my best friend added him. She is also his ex. But his abuse worsened with time. He was more violent with me than he had been with her. And since I was later, I was the one stalked for years.
When I started having trouble breathing when I logged on and saw him as a friend suggestion because of all our mutual friends, I dropped out of that site altogether.
Well meaning friends have put me right back where I started. And it may just take me years again to be comfortable being alone, or out in the open.
And I may never be able to feel fully comfortable with my old friends again. Its not their fault. They shouldn't have to choose. And most of them don't really know HOW bad it was for me then. Or now.
As someone who has been stalked, I do not find this sort of sentiment romantic or cute. When you leave someone to escape them, really leave and not some game time attention ploy to see if they will follow, being "hunted down" can be the worst experience of your life. It can change you, harden and darken you.
It certainly did me.
When I was a kid, I got into a really bad relationship. The guy was flat out nuts. I don't say this because he is my ex. I say this because he was diagnosed as such by the State on the several occassions during our relationship when he was involuntarily committed to a mental health facility. Usually for trying to kill me or a member of his family.
As is often the case with domestic abusers, he didn't hit random people on the street. He didn't have an anger management problem. He managed it very well. He managed to direct it to people he thought would love him enough to let him.
Over the years we dated, he beat me. Not in the fun way. Even at that young age, he would go for places where marks didn't show. The "out of control" was very controlled. I have driven off with him bleeding on my windshield. (He was big for cutting himself for sympathy.) I was dragged across rooms by the hair. I woke up cuffed and violated. I've had a knife held to my throat over his father's grave. He slammed my face into a bank window. He lied. He cheated. Constantly. That mistake I would repeat in later relationships. But I would never make the physical abuse mistake again. See - she can be taught!
I tried to leave several times. He would threaten to harm himself, his family, me. Sometimes he would try. Eventually when I found out he beat up the girl he cheated on me with, I figured out that I was not the problem or the cause and I did break it off, but it took years and years to break away. I stayed with friends the first few days, hiding out somewhere. But eventually, life happens and I had to get on with it.
I had several jobs over the next few years. Remember, I was still a teen and didn't have a career yet. I worked retail and fast food kid jobs. And every new one, I would walk out at the end of a night shift to find him sitting on my car. I am not sure how he found me. Well meaning friends no doubt.
More on well meaning friends and how much trouble they can cause later.
If I would go places by myself, he would jump out at me. He would follow me. Wandering through the grocery store became a terrifying experience.
I was standing outside my school, having a cigarette before going into a nighttime performance (orchestra and chorus) when his car came out of nowhere. He tried to run me down in the street like roadkill.
When I got married and moved into my ex-husband's apartment, he moved into an apartment upstairs. With his wife. I am sure she was thrilled.
I developed agorophobia. And panic attacks. I could not handle standing in an open area. Or crowds. I used to love concerts and would be the first one in the pit. For years, I could barely handle a long line at the movie theater.
I bought a gun. I learned to shoot.0
It got better over the years. The man I am with now helped a lot. He is patient with my twitchy moments and knows that it isn't him that causes it, but the PTSD. My abuser was always afraid of him. Afraid of men in general, actually. Like most domestic abusers, he is inherently weak. I know that.
I should know better than to be afraid. The truth is, I am stronger than that.
But not always.
Lately, my stalker managed to locate a bunch of us on an social networking site. He friended one of my friends. Then another. I got friend requests from him. Under multiple names. All of which I ignored.
And I started to have panic attacks again. I started to feel those agorophobia feelings again.
Then my best friend added him. She is also his ex. But his abuse worsened with time. He was more violent with me than he had been with her. And since I was later, I was the one stalked for years.
When I started having trouble breathing when I logged on and saw him as a friend suggestion because of all our mutual friends, I dropped out of that site altogether.
Well meaning friends have put me right back where I started. And it may just take me years again to be comfortable being alone, or out in the open.
And I may never be able to feel fully comfortable with my old friends again. Its not their fault. They shouldn't have to choose. And most of them don't really know HOW bad it was for me then. Or now.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Mental Notes
1. If you have ever tried to kill me, I will not approve your friend request. Crazy rule, I know. But there it is.
2. I wish Master would dress me more often. He has amazingly good taste.
3. I love True Blood. The show and the book series. Even though they are nothing alike at this point. Mostly cause of Eric, though. Bill is a total pussy.
4. They look great as a woven collar but damn 11/0 beads are small.
5. Lose 100 pounds and suddenly men start forgetting your have a head when speaking to you again.
6. Florida is fucking HOT this time of year. Too hot to jog. Too hot for Disney even.
7. They are not my friend today, however, since I fell on my ass this morning on the concrete in the rain.
8. I am looking forward to my next tattoo. Master is putting a new one on me for his birthday. No idea what yet but new ink is always fun and welcome.
2. I wish Master would dress me more often. He has amazingly good taste.
3. I love True Blood. The show and the book series. Even though they are nothing alike at this point. Mostly cause of Eric, though. Bill is a total pussy.
4. They look great as a woven collar but damn 11/0 beads are small.
5. Lose 100 pounds and suddenly men start forgetting your have a head when speaking to you again.
6. Florida is fucking HOT this time of year. Too hot to jog. Too hot for Disney even.
7. They are not my friend today, however, since I fell on my ass this morning on the concrete in the rain.
8. I am looking forward to my next tattoo. Master is putting a new one on me for his birthday. No idea what yet but new ink is always fun and welcome.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Albatros!
I don't have a safeword. I don't have limits. A lot of people will chastise me for expressing these simple facts before launching into a number of dire warnings about how without safewords or limits, my Master will of course start hacking off limbs at which point I will of course learn that I do, in fact, have limits.
Some people are fucking morons.
Where did the assumption that everyone who doesn't have the list is owned by Hannibal Lechter? What kind of people are these people meeting anyway?
Ok fine, let me clarify. I don't have a safeword and my "hard limits" are... ummmm.... anything you have seen Hannibal Lechter do. There, happy now?
No? Too bad, I am not sitting down and making a list. I have shit to do today.
Seeing as I have known my owner almost 20 years, a list of magic words seems a bit silly. I tried screaming "red" at the dishwasher. To date, this method has proven ineffective. Why don't those of us who went through all the trouble of making sure we were not submitting to a serial killer in the first place not given any credit for the forethought that takes, rather than the comparatively ineffective method of making a list of magic words and stating out loud "Don't kill and cook the children and serve them with chianti."?
Not everyone starts their M/s relationship with a total stranger. Total strangers no doubt do need to make clear every little thing from the start. But I am not one of those people. So please... stop telling me I have to behave as if I submitted to a stranger, rather than a long time friend.
And mind you, he has done many things to me that would make most people cringe and run into the night. Things I once said I would NEVER do.
To date, he hasn't killed me. And if he chose to, I don't see how a magic word is going to save me. He is much stronger than I am. Its trust that keeps me safe. Not a word. Not a list. But a life built together.
Some people are fucking morons.
Where did the assumption that everyone who doesn't have the list is owned by Hannibal Lechter? What kind of people are these people meeting anyway?
Ok fine, let me clarify. I don't have a safeword and my "hard limits" are... ummmm.... anything you have seen Hannibal Lechter do. There, happy now?
No? Too bad, I am not sitting down and making a list. I have shit to do today.
Seeing as I have known my owner almost 20 years, a list of magic words seems a bit silly. I tried screaming "red" at the dishwasher. To date, this method has proven ineffective. Why don't those of us who went through all the trouble of making sure we were not submitting to a serial killer in the first place not given any credit for the forethought that takes, rather than the comparatively ineffective method of making a list of magic words and stating out loud "Don't kill and cook the children and serve them with chianti."?
Not everyone starts their M/s relationship with a total stranger. Total strangers no doubt do need to make clear every little thing from the start. But I am not one of those people. So please... stop telling me I have to behave as if I submitted to a stranger, rather than a long time friend.
And mind you, he has done many things to me that would make most people cringe and run into the night. Things I once said I would NEVER do.
To date, he hasn't killed me. And if he chose to, I don't see how a magic word is going to save me. He is much stronger than I am. Its trust that keeps me safe. Not a word. Not a list. But a life built together.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Intellectual Property
We were watching The Big Bang Theory the other day when Penny said something to Leonard that I could really relate to. "You've ruined me for idiots." He has most certainly ruined me for idiots.
We were recently discussing whether I would enter into a subsequent M/s relationship were something to happen to us. He hoped I would, as I have been happy that way for years. I said no. For the same reason I never assimilated into the Gorean culture. For the same reason I am anti-social.
I can't deal with stupid. I have no patience for it. And I tend to react to stupid people by being aggressive and cruel.
Goreans, particularly online ones, seem to interpret the underlying theme of the Gor philosophy as "I have a penis and am therefore superior." I run into a problem with that. Gorean nomenclature requires all slave females to refer to all males as "Master". Rooted in the concept that men are more likely to be stronger and smarter, Statistically speaking, I have a higher IQ than 99.94% of the population. Male and female. I have a higher than national average income. I best most men intellectually, financially and often physically. It narrows the pool of those I would be able to consider "Master" by a considerable amount.
We were recently discussing whether I would enter into a subsequent M/s relationship were something to happen to us. He hoped I would, as I have been happy that way for years. I said no. For the same reason I never assimilated into the Gorean culture. For the same reason I am anti-social.
I can't deal with stupid. I have no patience for it. And I tend to react to stupid people by being aggressive and cruel.
Goreans, particularly online ones, seem to interpret the underlying theme of the Gor philosophy as "I have a penis and am therefore superior." I run into a problem with that. Gorean nomenclature requires all slave females to refer to all males as "Master". Rooted in the concept that men are more likely to be stronger and smarter, Statistically speaking, I have a higher IQ than 99.94% of the population. Male and female. I have a higher than national average income. I best most men intellectually, financially and often physically. It narrows the pool of those I would be able to consider "Master" by a considerable amount.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Spoons and Donuts
The strangest people try to add me as friends on social networking sites. The best ever was the psycho stalker ex with the annoying habit of trying to kill me. (I don't mean that as hyperbole. I mean knife to the throat, tried to hit me with a car.) Ummm dude? NOT friends. Betty White on SNL made me think of it. Betty White fucking rocks. When she tells the police she hopes the gator eats their friends in Lake Placid? Total classic.
So I went to fetish night last night, Meh. From a BDSM view point, its a fashion show. From a clubbing point of view, its crap. (Well until one of my friends let the DJ know we arrived and he started playing the "good stuff". I love my friends.) I love that there are guys still rocking the fully lifted look from Gary Oldman from Dracula top hat and glasses combo.
Fortunately my best friend was there to chase the guy hounding me off. He was NOT taking the "can't dance with you" hint. Starting off by touching me is always getting off on a bad foot. Not taking the hint when I turn around and walk away to go dance somewhere else, also not good. Coming back AFTER being told I am owned property and won't be responding or interacting, that's just odd.
All in all it was entertaining.
I went for my run Saturday morning because I didn't get to Friday night. Saturday is trash day in my neighborhood. I see the strangest things when I run on trash days. Like a small silver spoon. Too small for a baby spoon. To big for a dollhouse. Wrong size for a measuring spoon. But the best part is running past a box of Krispy Kreams and realizing the only run I would have been doing on a Saturday morning a year ago would be a donut run.
So I went to fetish night last night, Meh. From a BDSM view point, its a fashion show. From a clubbing point of view, its crap. (Well until one of my friends let the DJ know we arrived and he started playing the "good stuff". I love my friends.) I love that there are guys still rocking the fully lifted look from Gary Oldman from Dracula top hat and glasses combo.
Fortunately my best friend was there to chase the guy hounding me off. He was NOT taking the "can't dance with you" hint. Starting off by touching me is always getting off on a bad foot. Not taking the hint when I turn around and walk away to go dance somewhere else, also not good. Coming back AFTER being told I am owned property and won't be responding or interacting, that's just odd.
All in all it was entertaining.
I went for my run Saturday morning because I didn't get to Friday night. Saturday is trash day in my neighborhood. I see the strangest things when I run on trash days. Like a small silver spoon. Too small for a baby spoon. To big for a dollhouse. Wrong size for a measuring spoon. But the best part is running past a box of Krispy Kreams and realizing the only run I would have been doing on a Saturday morning a year ago would be a donut run.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Antisocial Socialization
So I am getting dragged out to fetish night with my best friend for her birthday.
Is my lack of enthusiasm obvious? A night clubbing and fetish night are two different things. Dancing is fun. Fetish night tends to bring with it an unique selection of dramas, though. Which I keep out of by a) staying stone cold sober and b) being restricted (no play). The later is fine with me, I have zero interest in anyone but the man I am with. I am mono by nature and really happy. The former kinda sucks though.
But I can go. I can dance as much as I want. So in the end, its a night clubbing with shorter skirts, less comfortable shoes and no cocktails.
Is my lack of enthusiasm obvious? A night clubbing and fetish night are two different things. Dancing is fun. Fetish night tends to bring with it an unique selection of dramas, though. Which I keep out of by a) staying stone cold sober and b) being restricted (no play). The later is fine with me, I have zero interest in anyone but the man I am with. I am mono by nature and really happy. The former kinda sucks though.
But I can go. I can dance as much as I want. So in the end, its a night clubbing with shorter skirts, less comfortable shoes and no cocktails.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Run, Forrest, Run!
Yesterday was a beautiful day for a run. Low humidity, cool, not a lot of traffic. And my glutes doing a happy dance. I love days like that.
I think I may need a jogging stroller.
I think I may need a jogging stroller.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Butt Shoes and Bad Movies
Butt shoes!!!!!!! I finally caved in and got a pair of Reebok Easy Toners. Cute, not uncomfortable, and works my ass for free doing nothing more onerous than grocery shopping. Considering I am all mad in love with an ass man, every little bit helps. I can't run in them, though. So my next purchase needs to be a better pair of running shoes. I hate shoe shopping. It seems I keep getting trapped in it lately. Of course, its the only thing I can buy that I don't "ungrow" in a month or two. Between the running, the step aerobics and the butt shoes, my legs are screaming.
I saw one of the worst movies I have ever seen today. Paranormal Activity. Wow, talk about effective marketing. It was a rip off of the Blair Witch style, but came across as being trapped watching someone's god-awful home movies for however long it lasted. I honestly couldn't pay close attention, it just wasn't interesting enough to hold my attention. I would have been pissed if I had paid for that crap fest. I have watched tax seminars that were more interesting.
I saw one of the worst movies I have ever seen today. Paranormal Activity. Wow, talk about effective marketing. It was a rip off of the Blair Witch style, but came across as being trapped watching someone's god-awful home movies for however long it lasted. I honestly couldn't pay close attention, it just wasn't interesting enough to hold my attention. I would have been pissed if I had paid for that crap fest. I have watched tax seminars that were more interesting.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Sexism in Traffic School
So I am a new check box in most questionnaires now. In other words - its my 35th birthday. I am not much of a birthday person. I wouldn't do anything at all if not forced to by loved ones and co-workers, who have a strange insistence on celebrating. The upside to not being really into one's birthday - hitting some arbitrary date (like middle age) isn't traumatic. I have heard other women lament hitting 35. Meh. I know a LOT of people who didn't make it this far.
So I was taking my online traffic school course (did you know they mean it when they say don't turn on red?) and there were a couple of funny (Wha!?!?) moments in there. Like the DUI section talking about how showing up on your bicycle or on a bus doesn't make a good impression on a date. It repeated this "make sure you keep your license or you won't get pussy" theme throughout the course. I realize that people who can't afford a vehicle are unlikely to need traffic school course, so they won't see the income based insult (poor people without cars don't deserve relationships), but is it REALLY necessary to reinforce the "women fuck men based on how nice their car is" stereotype to tell people why drunk driving is a bad idea? Brace yourselves... it is possible to have both a vagina and your own vehicle. There are even women who don't take a man's vehicle into account when dating in any way.
It reminds me of when this guy was hitting on me. He actually tried to seduce me by pointing out his sports car (I hate sports cars) and his Doc Martens (that "nice shoes, wanna fuck" thing was a joke - I have 3 pairs of my own, dude). Sadly, there are people that sort of thing works on.
So I was taking my online traffic school course (did you know they mean it when they say don't turn on red?) and there were a couple of funny (Wha!?!?) moments in there. Like the DUI section talking about how showing up on your bicycle or on a bus doesn't make a good impression on a date. It repeated this "make sure you keep your license or you won't get pussy" theme throughout the course. I realize that people who can't afford a vehicle are unlikely to need traffic school course, so they won't see the income based insult (poor people without cars don't deserve relationships), but is it REALLY necessary to reinforce the "women fuck men based on how nice their car is" stereotype to tell people why drunk driving is a bad idea? Brace yourselves... it is possible to have both a vagina and your own vehicle. There are even women who don't take a man's vehicle into account when dating in any way.
It reminds me of when this guy was hitting on me. He actually tried to seduce me by pointing out his sports car (I hate sports cars) and his Doc Martens (that "nice shoes, wanna fuck" thing was a joke - I have 3 pairs of my own, dude). Sadly, there are people that sort of thing works on.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
4, 5, Still Alive!
I died. It was tragic.
It will take a little while to see if the surgery was successful or if I will, in fact, need to have some bits removed after all. Either way, I have survived thus far and there have been a few bloodless days so... woo hoo?
Mental Notes:
-Some farm markets really suck. The one my favorite bundle of sexy found for us is definitely the best so far. The one today wasn't too bad. The sucky one, however, had the most amusing side effect. We laughed our fucking asses off.
-Forget a hot tub, if you want a time machine go to a really run down thrift store. (There was one beside today's farm market.) Holy fuck ugly neon, Batman!
-The liquor store we could all buy from at 15 is still there. How that place hasn't been busted and closed by now is totally beyond me.
-I don't care how funny it is, neither my best friend nor I can be talked into wearing a shirt that looks like astroturf with glitter.
-If your lover asks "Wanna see how much weight you've lost?" do NOT look at the naked pictures and videos.
-Knowing he loved you then, too, is priceless.
-I would rather be rejected by someone for being a certain dress size than sought out for such a shallow foundation.
-I am very happy I don't have to deal with the bullshit single women do.
-I am becoming uncomfortable with being "inspirational". Its a little creepy.
It will take a little while to see if the surgery was successful or if I will, in fact, need to have some bits removed after all. Either way, I have survived thus far and there have been a few bloodless days so... woo hoo?
Mental Notes:
-Some farm markets really suck. The one my favorite bundle of sexy found for us is definitely the best so far. The one today wasn't too bad. The sucky one, however, had the most amusing side effect. We laughed our fucking asses off.
-Forget a hot tub, if you want a time machine go to a really run down thrift store. (There was one beside today's farm market.) Holy fuck ugly neon, Batman!
-The liquor store we could all buy from at 15 is still there. How that place hasn't been busted and closed by now is totally beyond me.
-I don't care how funny it is, neither my best friend nor I can be talked into wearing a shirt that looks like astroturf with glitter.
-If your lover asks "Wanna see how much weight you've lost?" do NOT look at the naked pictures and videos.
-Knowing he loved you then, too, is priceless.
-I would rather be rejected by someone for being a certain dress size than sought out for such a shallow foundation.
-I am very happy I don't have to deal with the bullshit single women do.
-I am becoming uncomfortable with being "inspirational". Its a little creepy.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Kick the Puppy!
I am a horrible person. I admit it. I kick the puppy.
Now I don't mean an actual canine. I mean I love to provoke stupid people into apoplexy. I can't help it. Its like kicking a puppy. Its easy to do, and then they just yap, yap, yap away.
Yes, its wrong. Its very wrong.
But it is SO fun.
Now I don't mean an actual canine. I mean I love to provoke stupid people into apoplexy. I can't help it. Its like kicking a puppy. Its easy to do, and then they just yap, yap, yap away.
Yes, its wrong. Its very wrong.
But it is SO fun.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Fridayish
We have family coming. So I took off a week. Which makes today my Friday! *insert happy dance here*
Two incidents in the news. Ashburn and Massa. One Republican and one Democrat. Both idiots. Having nothing to do with my liberal leanings, Ashburn makes me angry and Massa makes me laugh. Ashnurn was driving drunk. He could have killed someone. And Massa gets geek points for the Battlestar reference. Ashburn gets points for coming out of the closet though. Not easy in a nest of bigots and pit vipers that is his party.
Rangle would put the "biggest asshole" check on the left if not for Liz Cheney attack on attorneys for doing their job. As an American and a part of the judicial system (albeit a small one) - fuck you Cheney. Fuck you.
Two incidents in the news. Ashburn and Massa. One Republican and one Democrat. Both idiots. Having nothing to do with my liberal leanings, Ashburn makes me angry and Massa makes me laugh. Ashnurn was driving drunk. He could have killed someone. And Massa gets geek points for the Battlestar reference. Ashburn gets points for coming out of the closet though. Not easy in a nest of bigots and pit vipers that is his party.
Rangle would put the "biggest asshole" check on the left if not for Liz Cheney attack on attorneys for doing their job. As an American and a part of the judicial system (albeit a small one) - fuck you Cheney. Fuck you.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Mental Notes
-Not being afraid of zombie movies anymore means learning that most zombie flicks kinda suck.
-Even naked chick from Fifth Element can't make some films interesting.
-Lost was created just to torture me on a week to week basis, but at least it can only do it 10 more times.
-Take a deep breath and a moment and most pain will pass, or get to a manageable level.
-If most of the people you know are geniuses and geeks, you end up with all sorts of odd knowledge.
-I love.
-Even naked chick from Fifth Element can't make some films interesting.
-Lost was created just to torture me on a week to week basis, but at least it can only do it 10 more times.
-Take a deep breath and a moment and most pain will pass, or get to a manageable level.
-If most of the people you know are geniuses and geeks, you end up with all sorts of odd knowledge.
-I love.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Dying Politely
So I may be dead in a bit over a week.
Ok normally that would be followed by a joke. I'm trying to think of one. Hemmorrhaging and mystery infections aren't the font of endless amusement one might expect.
Unless of course the condition beats the treatment to the punch and kills me first. Then I don't have to wait.
I am not a big fan of drama or pity, as previous entries no doubt make clear. That includes directed at me. Its annoying. There's a price though. When someone asks "How are you?" I say I'm fine. Responding "I'm in horrible pain and slowly bleeding to death while infection sets in!" will tend to ruin someone else's day. So I'm polite. I die quietly and listen to others bitch how my need for surgery and recovery inconveniences their schedule.
Fuck it. When people ask from now on I'm saying it. "How are you?" I'm answering honestly. "Bleeding to death, you?"
Ok normally that would be followed by a joke. I'm trying to think of one. Hemmorrhaging and mystery infections aren't the font of endless amusement one might expect.
Unless of course the condition beats the treatment to the punch and kills me first. Then I don't have to wait.
I am not a big fan of drama or pity, as previous entries no doubt make clear. That includes directed at me. Its annoying. There's a price though. When someone asks "How are you?" I say I'm fine. Responding "I'm in horrible pain and slowly bleeding to death while infection sets in!" will tend to ruin someone else's day. So I'm polite. I die quietly and listen to others bitch how my need for surgery and recovery inconveniences their schedule.
Fuck it. When people ask from now on I'm saying it. "How are you?" I'm answering honestly. "Bleeding to death, you?"
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Mental Notes
-Replacing the broken tv with a better one before days end is just one reason da man I love ROCKS!
-Throwing together a computer for my friend when she got hurt so she doesn't have to try to commute on crutches is yet another.
-I don't care if I do need it and it will help, I am not looking forward to surgery in a week and a half.
-Knowing I have a Will and estate docs done already makes me feel better about having my organs assaulted.
-Im less afraid of death than I was when I was still mildly religiously inclined. I thought it would be the opposite.
-Most people that angrily tell you "people are allowed to have their own opinion, ya know" are doing so because they are outraged you dared express your own disagreeing with theirs.
-Most people will totally miss the stunning hypocrisy and sheer idiocy of that.
-Most people are slightly less intelligent than the chair I am sitting in as I type this.
-I have no patience for the weakness of self pity. (Ok I admit, I have known that for a long time.).
-A lot of people get into relationships with pathological liars suffering from the delusion that they are so special and this time it is so different that a life long pathological liar will miraculously change and be totally honest with them.
-There are a lot of incredibly gullible overwhelmingly deluded people in this world.
-Slowly emptying a pitcher of water makes me wanna pee.
-Still hate candy corn.
-Throwing together a computer for my friend when she got hurt so she doesn't have to try to commute on crutches is yet another.
-I don't care if I do need it and it will help, I am not looking forward to surgery in a week and a half.
-Knowing I have a Will and estate docs done already makes me feel better about having my organs assaulted.
-Im less afraid of death than I was when I was still mildly religiously inclined. I thought it would be the opposite.
-Most people that angrily tell you "people are allowed to have their own opinion, ya know" are doing so because they are outraged you dared express your own disagreeing with theirs.
-Most people will totally miss the stunning hypocrisy and sheer idiocy of that.
-Most people are slightly less intelligent than the chair I am sitting in as I type this.
-I have no patience for the weakness of self pity. (Ok I admit, I have known that for a long time.).
-A lot of people get into relationships with pathological liars suffering from the delusion that they are so special and this time it is so different that a life long pathological liar will miraculously change and be totally honest with them.
-There are a lot of incredibly gullible overwhelmingly deluded people in this world.
-Slowly emptying a pitcher of water makes me wanna pee.
-Still hate candy corn.
Monday, February 22, 2010
What a Long Strange Trip Its Been
I'm having this strange almost perpetual flashback experience lately. I keep running into and hanging out with people I knew as a kid and didn't see for years. It does bring to my attention how rare it is for my to switch sexual partners. Most of the people I know have had sex with eachother at some point. (We are a very incestuous bunch.). Though one dude managed more of us than I was previously aware, which was amusing. If there can be only one, he's an amusing choice. My mongomous nature makes me a rareity amongst my peers. Its not that I'm antipoly. It just doesn't work with my attention span. I don't really like people in general. Perhaps my monogomy is merely a reflection of my disinterest in humanity in general.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Dear Imaginary Sky Fairy...
Ok, fine, I will try pray. Please, save me. Save me from idiots that think they are intellectuals. Please save me from endless hours of philosophy by people who can barely muster the brain cells to tie their own shoes. Save me from the self styled brainiacs who make me want to stick an icepick in my ear/eye rather than suffer one more moment of their inane babble.
Or the heartbroken. The evils of love people. You got dumped? That sucks - now get the fuck over it. I once had a guy roll around on my front lawn crying until the 8 year old we were babysitting went out to tell him to have some pride and act like a man. Some days I really wish I hadn't lost touch with that kid... he could come in handy sometimes. Though the drama and trauma of others is rather amusing for the rest of us. So I guess in that sense... carry on acting like a little bitch. You're amusing so dance for us little bitches.
On a side note... tomorrow should be fun. I am looking forward to it. Let's hope the weather holds.
Or the heartbroken. The evils of love people. You got dumped? That sucks - now get the fuck over it. I once had a guy roll around on my front lawn crying until the 8 year old we were babysitting went out to tell him to have some pride and act like a man. Some days I really wish I hadn't lost touch with that kid... he could come in handy sometimes. Though the drama and trauma of others is rather amusing for the rest of us. So I guess in that sense... carry on acting like a little bitch. You're amusing so dance for us little bitches.
On a side note... tomorrow should be fun. I am looking forward to it. Let's hope the weather holds.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Whirl and Twirl
I have had a fantastic few weeks. We spent Valentine's Day weekend in DC. We got in right between snow storms, so everything was open and covered in a blanket of white. There was french food room service and new neck jewelry and black and red lace things and much grown-ups only fun. Yes, I'm spoiled.
My best friend is back. In the middle of the storm. The dust is settling.
One word... Faire.
My best friend is back. In the middle of the storm. The dust is settling.
One word... Faire.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Down the Rabbit Hole
Dear Teabaggers;
You people are fucking retards. Oh don't worry, I can say that since I mean it in a satirical Rush Limbaugh kind of way. Satire is ok, as long as its not Dave Letterman.
And the civics test to vote thing? Genius. No one will sniff out the racism when you have the "furiner" hating asshat give a "let's go back to the pre-1965 keep black people out of voting booths" speech. Subtle.
One question - does Palin get to write the answers on her hand when she takes the test? How many of your redneck trailer trash fucktard members would pass a civics test? Most of them wouldn't pass a psych test, can we give those too?
You people are fucking retards. Oh don't worry, I can say that since I mean it in a satirical Rush Limbaugh kind of way. Satire is ok, as long as its not Dave Letterman.
And the civics test to vote thing? Genius. No one will sniff out the racism when you have the "furiner" hating asshat give a "let's go back to the pre-1965 keep black people out of voting booths" speech. Subtle.
One question - does Palin get to write the answers on her hand when she takes the test? How many of your redneck trailer trash fucktard members would pass a civics test? Most of them wouldn't pass a psych test, can we give those too?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Of Zombies and Cross and Dog Shaped Dildo
I knew my best friend coming back would mean I'd start neglecting this thing.
Today is zombie day. Zombieland comes out on dvd. Rob Zombie's new CD comes out. Yay!!!! I loved that movie. Its so cute.
I am debating. Should I get the cross shaped dildo or the dog cock shaped dildo? Oh these difficult decisions. Both that "oh so wrong" kind of thing. Yummy. My giant box of toys needs expansion. Maybe new canes? Probably gonna need to wait for the upcoming ass tattoo to set awhile.
Today is zombie day. Zombieland comes out on dvd. Rob Zombie's new CD comes out. Yay!!!! I loved that movie. Its so cute.
I am debating. Should I get the cross shaped dildo or the dog cock shaped dildo? Oh these difficult decisions. Both that "oh so wrong" kind of thing. Yummy. My giant box of toys needs expansion. Maybe new canes? Probably gonna need to wait for the upcoming ass tattoo to set awhile.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Ink
He is getting me a new tattoo! A heart wrapped in a whip with his name. I can't wait. Hopefully this weekend. If not then, soon.
I never thought I would saythis, but the Rob Zombie Halloween 2 remake was awful. So awful we couldn't even sit through the whole thing. Most of the time, it was straight up boring. And the rest of the time, it was trying too hard. A shame really.
I never thought I would saythis, but the Rob Zombie Halloween 2 remake was awful. So awful we couldn't even sit through the whole thing. Most of the time, it was straight up boring. And the rest of the time, it was trying too hard. A shame really.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Friday, Sweet Beautiful Friday
Another day, another doctor. This is getting old. Maybe this one will be able to figure what the hell is going wrong? I'm not really holding my breath. At this point, anything short of "You have x amount of time to live" is going to be ok by me, really.
It is Friday though. Now that we know where we are going, I am knee deep in planning and hunting and comparing. Technically, a form of shopping. So this is my department. I love this bit.
It is Friday though. Now that we know where we are going, I am knee deep in planning and hunting and comparing. Technically, a form of shopping. So this is my department. I love this bit.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Amazons in the Mist
Less than two weeks! Oh this is gonna be fun.
I have a hell of a lot of fun coming up in February. I'll talk more after I step out of the smoldering ruins. Between cackles.
I must say - the wii fit is FUN! I've been having a blast with the newest toy.
I have a hell of a lot of fun coming up in February. I'll talk more after I step out of the smoldering ruins. Between cackles.
I must say - the wii fit is FUN! I've been having a blast with the newest toy.
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Frustrating Horray!
Sometimes having a uterus really blows. I am having another one of those month long bleeding problems. Anyway, one of the side effects is severe bloating. Weight gain is also one of the side effects of my medication. Which has slowed my loss rate to normal. I am still losing, but at a pound and a half a week instead of three. I pushed at the gym all week to make sure I managed that much. Given my little medical issue, I should be packing it on. Fuck that!
It would be less annoying if I wasn't 2 pounds from my next goal. I bet I would hit it easy if I removed my uterus this week with a rusty spoon. I have amazing kids, and I have as many of them as I plan to. My uterus is only slowing me down these days.
Patience... not my strong point. I better leave one of the spoons out and hope for rain.
One upside side effect. Bags of too big clothes to bring in for the Haiti charity drive at the office. I won't be needing anything in those sizes again. And a lasting side effect of pregnancy - a box of shoes that are now too small to go with them.
It would be less annoying if I wasn't 2 pounds from my next goal. I bet I would hit it easy if I removed my uterus this week with a rusty spoon. I have amazing kids, and I have as many of them as I plan to. My uterus is only slowing me down these days.
Patience... not my strong point. I better leave one of the spoons out and hope for rain.
One upside side effect. Bags of too big clothes to bring in for the Haiti charity drive at the office. I won't be needing anything in those sizes again. And a lasting side effect of pregnancy - a box of shoes that are now too small to go with them.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Fuck You, Pat Robertson
I hope you die, Pat Robertson. I don't mean this in a general pass away quietly in the night kind of way. I hope its as agonizingly painful as is humanly possible to remain conscious for and lasts a really long time. Like a million ant bites on top of body wide third degree burns. You are a bubbling pile of pus sewn in a bag made of discarded infected pig foreskins.
There is no god. No magic sky wizard is waiting to award your evil egocentric insanity. But right here, in this world, you are nothing but a black hole of waste. Its unfortunate your mother didn't abort you from her fetid womb when she had the chance and instead chose to infect the world with the horror that is you. I'd call you one of the worst humans ever but I can't think of you as human.
Hope you die, hope it hurts. Hope they use your body as slop for pigs that will be sent to feed the people of Haiti. Its the only possible way you'd be of any use to anyone.
Asshole.
There is no god. No magic sky wizard is waiting to award your evil egocentric insanity. But right here, in this world, you are nothing but a black hole of waste. Its unfortunate your mother didn't abort you from her fetid womb when she had the chance and instead chose to infect the world with the horror that is you. I'd call you one of the worst humans ever but I can't think of you as human.
Hope you die, hope it hurts. Hope they use your body as slop for pigs that will be sent to feed the people of Haiti. Its the only possible way you'd be of any use to anyone.
Asshole.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
"I got the ways and means to New Orleans"
Its time for a bit of grown up alone time. Now the challenge... Where to wander? There are plus and minus columns for each.
New Orleans is definately a party town. I don't think there's anywhere in the country better for drunken debauchery. But we've both been there before. Hell, he lived there. The food isn't really a consideration for me anymore.
He mentioned San Francisco. Its apparently a beautiful city. We haven't gone all the way to the west coast yet. Its certainly a change in scenery. Florida is a bit flat. I think Alcatraz would be interesting. The statewide no smoking rules aren't the negative they once were. However, I'm well convinced that everyone that lives in that State is either batshit crazy, drooling stupid, or both. Its like France. I'm not sure anything you can see there is worth dealing with the locals. Oh and I'm pretty sure the entire place is going to break off and fall into the ocean. And its a long assed flight.
There's Vegas. Vegas, baby, Vegas!!!! Again, there's the been there before. Again, drunken debauchery. Lots of topplessness. And craps! We had a lot of fun learning and playing craps last time. Again, long assed flight. But hearing 9% humidity on the morning news is amusing to Floridians.
Also in the running, currently in the lead, is D.C. The Smithsonian particularly. Along with the monuments. I've been, but in elementary school. Downside is its hella cold. That could be an upside though. Snow!
We'll see what he decides on.
New Orleans is definately a party town. I don't think there's anywhere in the country better for drunken debauchery. But we've both been there before. Hell, he lived there. The food isn't really a consideration for me anymore.
He mentioned San Francisco. Its apparently a beautiful city. We haven't gone all the way to the west coast yet. Its certainly a change in scenery. Florida is a bit flat. I think Alcatraz would be interesting. The statewide no smoking rules aren't the negative they once were. However, I'm well convinced that everyone that lives in that State is either batshit crazy, drooling stupid, or both. Its like France. I'm not sure anything you can see there is worth dealing with the locals. Oh and I'm pretty sure the entire place is going to break off and fall into the ocean. And its a long assed flight.
There's Vegas. Vegas, baby, Vegas!!!! Again, there's the been there before. Again, drunken debauchery. Lots of topplessness. And craps! We had a lot of fun learning and playing craps last time. Again, long assed flight. But hearing 9% humidity on the morning news is amusing to Floridians.
Also in the running, currently in the lead, is D.C. The Smithsonian particularly. Along with the monuments. I've been, but in elementary school. Downside is its hella cold. That could be an upside though. Snow!
We'll see what he decides on.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Disappearing Act
Around the last week of August, I decided it was time for me to get off my huge ass and make a change in my lifestyle. I've been fat a LONG time. After my second child it just crazy out of control. Like could qualify as a contestant for The Biggest Loser fat. It was effecting my health.
So...no big drama, no New Year resolution, no fanfare, I changed.
I've gotten to the stage where someone says something about it every day.
The strange thing is, I don't see it at all. Considering I have lost 60 pounds, I can't imagine there isn't a change in my appearance. I am down 4 dress sizes. My lover says he can feel the difference when he wraps his arms around me.
But I don't see it. At all.
Intellectually I realize it is not possible that there is no change. I have lost more than my 9 year old weighs. I have lost 3 of my baby. When I think about it in those terms I realize that dropping that much explains why I feel so much better. I am carrying a lot less. And I am doing it with more muscle. But I still don't see any difference in myself. I have had a life long problem with eating disorders and I realize that my internalized self image is undoubtedly a part of that.
The thing is, I am not sure what to do about it. I may always be locked into a specific mental image. But if I feel better, does it really matter?
So...no big drama, no New Year resolution, no fanfare, I changed.
I've gotten to the stage where someone says something about it every day.
The strange thing is, I don't see it at all. Considering I have lost 60 pounds, I can't imagine there isn't a change in my appearance. I am down 4 dress sizes. My lover says he can feel the difference when he wraps his arms around me.
But I don't see it. At all.
Intellectually I realize it is not possible that there is no change. I have lost more than my 9 year old weighs. I have lost 3 of my baby. When I think about it in those terms I realize that dropping that much explains why I feel so much better. I am carrying a lot less. And I am doing it with more muscle. But I still don't see any difference in myself. I have had a life long problem with eating disorders and I realize that my internalized self image is undoubtedly a part of that.
The thing is, I am not sure what to do about it. I may always be locked into a specific mental image. But if I feel better, does it really matter?
Friday, January 8, 2010
Ressurection
If all goes well, my best friend will be back by the beginning of February.
Now is the time for the Muahahahaahahas.
I'll wait.
All done? Good.
I would pray for things to go well, but I'd have to fake it. I am sure she will have it all covered. I'm a bit fuzzy on the wiccan details, I'll have to ask.
Funniest thing is, of the two of us, for some reason it was always assumed by others that I was the witch. Lapsed Catholic, atheist, anti-theist, yes. Witch? Well, not in the religious sense of the word.
It was also assumed that I was the nice one. All things considered, that's even funnier.
My tarot hobby confuses a lot of people. I don't believe in the sky wizzards. Any sky wizzards. I do, however, believe in the subconscious, meditation and artwork. Maybe its a cultural heritage thing. I am part gypsy, after all.
Though that probably just explains my love of sausage.
Now is the time for the Muahahahaahahas.
I'll wait.
All done? Good.
I would pray for things to go well, but I'd have to fake it. I am sure she will have it all covered. I'm a bit fuzzy on the wiccan details, I'll have to ask.
Funniest thing is, of the two of us, for some reason it was always assumed by others that I was the witch. Lapsed Catholic, atheist, anti-theist, yes. Witch? Well, not in the religious sense of the word.
It was also assumed that I was the nice one. All things considered, that's even funnier.
My tarot hobby confuses a lot of people. I don't believe in the sky wizzards. Any sky wizzards. I do, however, believe in the subconscious, meditation and artwork. Maybe its a cultural heritage thing. I am part gypsy, after all.
Though that probably just explains my love of sausage.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Flower Farting Slaves
We goth folk have a certain subset of extremely annoying people we have to deal with - Bat Farting Goths. They are almost unbearably pretentious. They do things like say "Oh my goth!" instead of "Oh my god!" They mope - a LOT - about absolutely nothing. And it takes about 10 minutes of exposure to one before you want to stab them in the fucking eye.
The BDSM community has its own annoying bastard cousin - the Flower Farting Slave. (Most often found among online female Gor slaves.) The wax poetic about the fire that burns in their belly. (I'm not sure why imagery of severe indigestion or a raging case of V.D. is supposed to be erotic.) They speak in the third person. (Sort of like punch drunk boxers or real estate magnates with bad toupees. Again, not sure why that is supposed to be attractive.) There are frequent mentions of quivering, flowing hair and, of course, the opening and closing of all doors with the ass.
For the Flower Farting Slave, its all poetry and bullshit. Getting a cup of coffee is something they seem to imagine takes half an hour, involves a large amount of humping the counter and the most important part of the coffee is how they swished their way through it rather than, say, the COFFEE!
It takes even less than 10 minutes before you want to stab them in the eye.
The reality of a collar will be an inevitable disappointment to the flower farting slave because, in the end, all that flowery imagery has no real bearing on reality. The realities of how humans actually interact will never live up to the world of perfect make believe they immerse themselves in.
Still, its good to have a bit of comic relief. I know the moment I see someone type out a lengthy beg for this girl to please beg to enter the room, blah blah blah, the fucktardery parade has begun! I grab a sparkler and go grab some coffee. (In under an hour.)
The BDSM community has its own annoying bastard cousin - the Flower Farting Slave. (Most often found among online female Gor slaves.) The wax poetic about the fire that burns in their belly. (I'm not sure why imagery of severe indigestion or a raging case of V.D. is supposed to be erotic.) They speak in the third person. (Sort of like punch drunk boxers or real estate magnates with bad toupees. Again, not sure why that is supposed to be attractive.) There are frequent mentions of quivering, flowing hair and, of course, the opening and closing of all doors with the ass.
For the Flower Farting Slave, its all poetry and bullshit. Getting a cup of coffee is something they seem to imagine takes half an hour, involves a large amount of humping the counter and the most important part of the coffee is how they swished their way through it rather than, say, the COFFEE!
It takes even less than 10 minutes before you want to stab them in the eye.
The reality of a collar will be an inevitable disappointment to the flower farting slave because, in the end, all that flowery imagery has no real bearing on reality. The realities of how humans actually interact will never live up to the world of perfect make believe they immerse themselves in.
Still, its good to have a bit of comic relief. I know the moment I see someone type out a lengthy beg for this girl to please beg to enter the room, blah blah blah, the fucktardery parade has begun! I grab a sparkler and go grab some coffee. (In under an hour.)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Hamster Wheel
Yesterday my best friend and I were discussing personal evolution and its effect on relationships. My lover often says that most people are not truly sentient. I have to agree. Given what I do for a living, I witness a LOT of breakups. Many have some common themes.
Change is often a big part of splits. Either its presence or absence.
Its presence is obvious. The person you're with suddenly decides to dedicate their life to Jesus and you're not down with a non-stop convo on their invisible undead vampire cannibal invisible friend. The cause of the end of your relationship is rather obvious. Similarly the misplaced belief that you can change someone is a sure death knell every time. You will either fail and resent the person you failed to manipulate, or succeed and they will resent you. These break ups tend to the ugly more volatile angry type.
Less obviious but just as common is the absence of change. A failure to evolve. If you are changing and moving forward at a significantly faster pace than your counterpart, eventually you're going to leave them behind. These are generally the less volatile puzzled we just grew apart breakups.
Similarly those incapable of personal evolution will also inevitably get left behind. Those that end up in the same loop of bad relationships with the same sort of loser over and over, always blaming everyone else. Each new relationship doomed from day 1 to follow the same mindless path. Those people will end up left behind every time because they do not evolve as people.
A great disparity in intelligence also seems to meet with repeated failure. I've been through it. A less intelligent partner growing resentful. I once knew a girl who had her self esteem so messed up by being far less intelligent than her partner she swore to never be with a man who was "too smart" again. Last I knew she suceeded spectacularly on that front with a series of knuckle draggers so unevolved they were a public embarassment. (It actually led to my own personal vow - I won't put up with anyone's pet moron ever again. I just can't handle socializing with stupid.) But with the exception of a need to sheild one's ego with the secret knowlege that you don't believe a word you say when you tell a man who is clearly an idiot how brilliant he is, the usual outcome of dating someone far less intelligent than yourself ends and ends badly.
There was an episode of House where a genius poisons himself to lower his intelligence so he can be happy in his marriage. He points out there is a greater difference in IQ between his wife and himself than between his wife and a monkey. Without doping himself, to him, its like sleeping with a monkey. I understand. I am done with monkeys.
Change is often a big part of splits. Either its presence or absence.
Its presence is obvious. The person you're with suddenly decides to dedicate their life to Jesus and you're not down with a non-stop convo on their invisible undead vampire cannibal invisible friend. The cause of the end of your relationship is rather obvious. Similarly the misplaced belief that you can change someone is a sure death knell every time. You will either fail and resent the person you failed to manipulate, or succeed and they will resent you. These break ups tend to the ugly more volatile angry type.
Less obviious but just as common is the absence of change. A failure to evolve. If you are changing and moving forward at a significantly faster pace than your counterpart, eventually you're going to leave them behind. These are generally the less volatile puzzled we just grew apart breakups.
Similarly those incapable of personal evolution will also inevitably get left behind. Those that end up in the same loop of bad relationships with the same sort of loser over and over, always blaming everyone else. Each new relationship doomed from day 1 to follow the same mindless path. Those people will end up left behind every time because they do not evolve as people.
A great disparity in intelligence also seems to meet with repeated failure. I've been through it. A less intelligent partner growing resentful. I once knew a girl who had her self esteem so messed up by being far less intelligent than her partner she swore to never be with a man who was "too smart" again. Last I knew she suceeded spectacularly on that front with a series of knuckle draggers so unevolved they were a public embarassment. (It actually led to my own personal vow - I won't put up with anyone's pet moron ever again. I just can't handle socializing with stupid.) But with the exception of a need to sheild one's ego with the secret knowlege that you don't believe a word you say when you tell a man who is clearly an idiot how brilliant he is, the usual outcome of dating someone far less intelligent than yourself ends and ends badly.
There was an episode of House where a genius poisons himself to lower his intelligence so he can be happy in his marriage. He points out there is a greater difference in IQ between his wife and himself than between his wife and a monkey. Without doping himself, to him, its like sleeping with a monkey. I understand. I am done with monkeys.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Where the Fuck Are You Going?
Log on to any random BDSM website and start to read what some of the "Dominants" post. Pick one at random. If you are feeling particularly masochistic, try a Gorean one. They like to wax philosophical and all. Go ahead... I'll wait right here.
How long did it take to make your eye start to twitch? How many seconds before you actually said "What the fuck is wrong with this idiot" out loud?
Now realize - somewhere out there, someone at some point probably thought that taking directions from this twitch worthy pile of fucktardery was the direction their life should take. Pretty fucking terrifying, eh?
Let me know when the screaming stops.
Its amazing I get through the day without setting more people on fire, it really is. I am starting to understand how Van Helsing felt.
How long did it take to make your eye start to twitch? How many seconds before you actually said "What the fuck is wrong with this idiot" out loud?
Now realize - somewhere out there, someone at some point probably thought that taking directions from this twitch worthy pile of fucktardery was the direction their life should take. Pretty fucking terrifying, eh?
Let me know when the screaming stops.
Its amazing I get through the day without setting more people on fire, it really is. I am starting to understand how Van Helsing felt.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Once More Into the Fray... of Netflix Instant View
I am going to miss David Tennant. He was a great Doctor. I am willing to give the new Doctor a shot, though those few minutes left me with the impression a) he is trying too hard to be the 10th Doctor and b) he's a fucking fetus. I have shoes older than that kid.
I saw an unusual little movie today. Netherbeast Incorporated. It was... odd. But adorable. And how can you NOT love a movie with Dave Foley and Jason Mewes and Steve in the Striped Shirt from Blues Clues as cannibal vampire immortal telephone salesmen?
And then I watched The Confederate States of America. Wow. Just... Wow! Its a mockumentary. What would happen if the South had received European support and been the ones to win the Civil War. Slavery continues. Liberals move to Canada. (Hmmm... I will have to remember that one.) The CSA start exporting slavery to get over the stock crash. The CSA ends up supporting Hitler, and encouraging him to start using the Jews as slaves rather than kill them. A ball the length of the Canadian border called the "cotton curtain". But the part that really made me twitch were the "commercials".
Somewhere right now there is a NASCAR fan blowing a load so hard its getting in his mullet and all over his neon beer sign watching this.
I saw an unusual little movie today. Netherbeast Incorporated. It was... odd. But adorable. And how can you NOT love a movie with Dave Foley and Jason Mewes and Steve in the Striped Shirt from Blues Clues as cannibal vampire immortal telephone salesmen?
And then I watched The Confederate States of America. Wow. Just... Wow! Its a mockumentary. What would happen if the South had received European support and been the ones to win the Civil War. Slavery continues. Liberals move to Canada. (Hmmm... I will have to remember that one.) The CSA start exporting slavery to get over the stock crash. The CSA ends up supporting Hitler, and encouraging him to start using the Jews as slaves rather than kill them. A ball the length of the Canadian border called the "cotton curtain". But the part that really made me twitch were the "commercials".
Somewhere right now there is a NASCAR fan blowing a load so hard its getting in his mullet and all over his neon beer sign watching this.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Creepy Tractors
Wales is full of creepy tractors.
Its fun to go to the grocery store at 7:00 a.m. on New Year's Day if you aren't much of a drinker. Cashiers of the living dead. It seems somehow appropriate that I had thrown on my Zombie t-shirt before heading out. We had dinner and a movie but I was sober by my midnight kiss so no hangover this morning.
Alcohol isn't really worth the calories. I managed to lose Thanksgiving and Christmas, I don't want to backslide now. I have lost weight every week for over four months. And despite my co-workers constantly calling me skinny, I have a good way to go still.
I want to try suspension bondage, which means I need to keep it up.
Its fun to go to the grocery store at 7:00 a.m. on New Year's Day if you aren't much of a drinker. Cashiers of the living dead. It seems somehow appropriate that I had thrown on my Zombie t-shirt before heading out. We had dinner and a movie but I was sober by my midnight kiss so no hangover this morning.
Alcohol isn't really worth the calories. I managed to lose Thanksgiving and Christmas, I don't want to backslide now. I have lost weight every week for over four months. And despite my co-workers constantly calling me skinny, I have a good way to go still.
I want to try suspension bondage, which means I need to keep it up.
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